


hope is a heartache

by lupus (khaleeseas)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: -abby lee miller voice- we're all gonna have FUN!, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Bending (Avatar TV), Angst and Fluff and Smut, BUT I PROMISE IT ENDS HAPPY!!!, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Service Top Sokka (Avatar), Sexting, Strap in kids, idiots to lovers, like from the get-go, this is just pining and gross lack of communication for 4.5 chapters, until then...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 07:26:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26848135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khaleeseas/pseuds/lupus
Summary: Listen, Zuko mostly has his life together, okay? He has a good group of friends, he’s a successful writer, and he owns a nice loft downtown that is filled with lots of natural light and plenty of houseplants. So what if he’s hopelessly in love with his (best) friend with benefits? He totally has the situation and his feelings under control.(He absolutely has neither of those things under control).-Or the mutual pining FWB AU that no one asked for.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 205
Kudos: 924





	1. can’t escape this blowing up in my face

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has a corresponding [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/36CqM8Sk1mecW3EEIAyy9b?si=Z9M6A_w2QpW2z2-EY1d9zQ) \- pro tip listen to it from start to end with no shuffle and it follows the story chronologically :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my last modern/college AU was all fluff so to make up for that, i've brought Suffering this time  
> (ok just it's really not that bad!!!! just two incredibly emotionally repressed people whose pride and fear of ruining their friendship is keeping them from talking about their feelings!!!)
> 
> this has a happy ending i promise ❤️ real life is already wack enough rn no sad endings with my writing
> 
> fic title comes from "[hope is a heartache](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36IIaWoQ4Sw&ab_channel=L%C3%89ON)" by leon which is such an achingly gorgeous song pleassseeee listen to it.  
> chapter title comes from "[slow grenade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt7EtplY2Zs&ab_channel=EllieGouldingVEVO)" by ellie goulding / lauv
> 
> this fic was HEAVILY inspired by music + each chapter will have a title based on a song that helped inspire the chapter so i guess this is a quasi song fic???

“Sokka, _fuck_ ,” Zuko pants and Sokka just grins down at him, the asshole, pushing his sweaty hair out of his face and fucking into Zuko all that much harder. 

Zuko is so fucking _close_ and all he needs is a little attention to his poor, neglected dick to come, so he sneaks one of his hands down from where it’s been grasping at Sokka’s headboard to touch himself. Ever perceptive, Sokka bats his hand away immediately.

“Hands on the headboard,” he growls, and Zuko whimpers. “I told you, no touching.”

“Please,” Zuko begs, and he doesn’t even care how desperate it sounds. He _is_ desperate.

“I don’t know,” Sokka says as he slows his strokes down to something languid and teasing. He braces his arms on either side of Zuko and leans down to whisper, “maybe I shouldn’t let you come, after all.”

The whine Zuko lets out at that should be embarrassing, but he’s beyond caring at this point. Even if they both know it’s an empty threat - Sokka loves making Zuko come more than anything, he’s a service top to his core - even just the idea of not being able to come is driving Zuko wild. 

“No, please, I’ll be good!” Zuko promises as Sokka leans down to kiss him. 

“I know you will,” he murmurs against Zuko’s lips. “You’re always good for me.”

Zuko immediately relaxes, sinking into Sokka’s praise. Zuko has never been shy about asking Sokka for the things he likes and needs in bed, and Sokka has yet to hesitate to give him exactly what he asks for. If anything, Sokka’s been more than enthusiastic about it all. And he’s never had someone fuck him the way Sokka does. Sokka fucks him like he’ll never get enough of Zuko, like Zuko is the single hottest person on the planet, like he _lov_ \- yeah, Zuko’s not gonna let himself think about that. It’s not gonna get him anywhere. 

After a few punishingly slow strokes and deceptively sweet kisses, Sokka sits up on his heels again and pushes Zuko’s knees back towards his body. The action nearly folds Zuko in half - thank the spirits for Judo giving him his flexibility - and changes the angle so that Sokka brushes up against that sweet spot with every thrust. Sokka picks the pace back up, snapping his hips relentlessly and Zuko holds on for the ride, hands gripping the headboard as he moans in time with Sokka’s movements.

Eventually, it comes to the precipice of too much but not quite enough. Zuko’s already come once tonight, but he knows Sokka gets off on it, so Zuko uses that against him.

“C’mon, Sokka, touch me please?” he grunts out breathlessly. “I know you wanna see me come again.”

A spark lights in Sokka’s eyes and his hand finally, _finally_ comes down to Zuko’s dick stroking it quickly.

“You know _exactly_ what you’re doing, huh?” Sokka says but doesn’t stop. “That’s okay. You deserve to come. You’ve been so good.”

The combination of Sokka’s hand, his words, and the way he’s fucking Zuko _just right_ finally send him over the edge. Sokka fucks and strokes him through his orgasm and in the post-coital haze that’s settling over him, he realizes Sokka’s now chasing his own climax.

“I want you to come on me,” Zuko all but slurs, and he doesn’t have to tell Sokka twice. 

Sokka pulls out, and Zuko whimpers at the loss even if he did ask for it, and pulls the condom off quickly. He strips his own dick fast and tight before he shudders and groans long and low, come mixing with Zuko’s own on Zuko’s abs and chest. 

After a moment Sokka looks down hazily at the mess they’ve made.

“Mmmm, that’s dirty,” he grins smugly down at Zuko, obviously very proud of himself. He doesn’t even let Zuko completely catch his breath before he urges him into his shower, quickly cleaning the come and sweat off them both, then wrapping Zuko up in a towel and guiding him back to bed.

Sokka is incredibly sweet and affectionate and tactile after sex. He always finds a way to wrap himself around Zuko or pull Zuko on top of him. Then he’ll either coax Zuko into a deep conversation about life and the universe or - if it’s a day where he can feel that Zuko wants the silence - turn on a sitcom episode while they wind down. Sokka insists that all sex, whether vanilla or not, should be followed by a cooldown period or aftercare.

It’s a fair statement and Zuko agrees, but sometimes the way Sokka treats him after sex really blurs the “ _what are we_?” lines for Zuko.

Eventually, they get up and Sokka suggests getting some food at the diner down the street. It’s not even eight p.m. yet, but it feels much later. Time seems to pass either slowly or much too fast any time he’s with Sokka. 

Sokka doesn’t hold his hand on the walk to the diner, but he does lock their legs under the table and it, stupidly, makes Zuko’s heart flutter. It’s not as if Sokka treats Zuko like his dirty little secret or anything, but his affections in public are more platonic than anything else. Still, he pays for Zuko’s food and lets Zuko eat the fries off his plate without complaining - a pretty big deal for Sokka - so it’s the little things.

And Zuko supposes he can’t really complain when, as soon as they’re back in Sokka’s apartment, Sokka’s kissing him and steering him back towards his sectional, pushing him down. By the time Sokka goes to unbutton his pants, Zuko’s already pretty much hard. Sokka blows him right there, quick and dirty. And while Sokka definitely has skill when it comes to head, it’s his enthusiasm for it that makes his blowjobs top notch. The way he always acts like he just can’t get enough of Zuko is heady, and sometimes Zuko thinks Sokka likes giving head just as much as he likes receiving it. 

Zuko’s basking in the afterglow of his third orgasm of the evening, thinking of how he’ll reciprocate for Sokka when Sokka’s phone rings. 

“Ah, shit,” Sokka groans. “It’s an international work call.”

The engineering company that Sokka does research and development for, Future Industries, has apparently been trying to branch out internationally. Sokka’s definitely excited about it but the other company they were trying to work with was on the literal other side of the world, and therefore had a twelve-hour time difference. It means poor Sokka sometimes has business calls and meetings via webcam at weird hours. It’s half-past nine, which made sense, it would be nine a.m. on the other side of the world. 

Sokka answers the call, heading towards his second bedroom that’s set up as an office, his voice immediately going from normal Sokka to Professional Sokka. It’s half comical to Zuko - he’s known Sokka since college and has seen him in many unprofessional states - and half hot. 

Zuko gets the memo though, zipping his pants back up and grabbing his things before popping into Sokka’s office to let him know he’s leaving. 

Sokka gives Zuko a quick kiss to the forehead and then whispers “get home safe!”

“I always do,” Zuko counters quietly and Sokka just rolls his eyes before focusing back on his phone call.

He walks home like he always does. It’s coming up on the end of summer, so it’s pleasant out. Definitely a little humid, but with a nice breeze. His own place is a little over a ten-minute walk from Sokka’s, just a couple of streets over, so it’s not too bad. 

When he gets home, Druk greets him out the door, mewling and curling around his legs affectionately. Zuko’s loft is spacious with two-story windows in the living area that let in pools of natural light during the day. He’s filled it with books and cozy furniture and an assortment of houseplants. It even has a cute little balcony that he loves to sit and drink his coffee on in the morning. It’s his haven. His bedroom is a separate room on the first floor and the actual loft area he uses as his office slash writing nook slash library. 

Listen, Zuko mostly has his life together, okay? He loves his home and his cat and his friends and his life in general. So what if he’s hopelessly in love with his (best) friend with benefits? He totally has the situation and his feelings under control.

* * *

The first time it happened, Zuko swore to himself that it would be a one-time deal. He’d fuck Sokka and get him out of his system. 

Sokka had been one of his best friends since college. It truly started off as nothing more than friendship but over the years Sokka’s wit, dumb sense of humor, and overall _Sokka-_ ness had made Zuko’s feelings evolve from platonic to a harmless crush, to something far, far beyond that. 

It had happened out of nowhere on a random Sunday. They’d all gone to brunch with their friends, and Zuko had casually dropped the fact that he and Jet had ended things. It was a short-lived relationship that wasn’t all that serious, but from the start, Jet had been borderline intense and way more into Zuko than Zuko was into him. The imbalance wasn’t good for them, and on top of it, all Zuko’s feelings for Sokka only seemed to intensify while he was dating Jet. It was awful and unjust but Zuko couldn’t help but compare the two men and his respective feelings for each. He’d ended things partially because he knew the two of them were incompatible but also because at the end of the day it wasn’t fair to Jet. On top of that, Jet had always been weird, almost jealous, anytime Zuko talked about Sokka. Almost like he _knew_.

At the breakup news, Sokka had just raised a brow and said “Oh, word?” but nothing else, yet his gaze was locked on Zuko for the rest of the meal. Sokka ate his entire plate, like usual, but unlike usual he kept his mimosa count the same as Zuko’s - a whopping one total. It didn’t dawn on Zuko until later that Sokka had kept his alcohol intake to a minimum because he had a plan up his sleeve. 

At the end of brunch, as all their friends said their goodbyes, Sokka fell into step with Zuko. 

“Walk me home?” He asked. 

Zuko obliged. Sokka’s apartment was on the way back to Zuko’s loft so it wasn’t too big of a deal. Zuko had truly thought nothing of it until they got to Sokka’s building and Sokka tugged on his hand. 

“Wanna come up?” He questioned in a tone of voice Zuko _knew_ was reserved for when he was hitting on someone. 

“What are you doing?” Zuko replied, wary that maybe Sokka had figured out Zuko’s feelings for him and was teasing him. 

“Shooting my shot,” Sokka declared, genuinely. 

Not sure how else to reply, Zuko had kissed him right then and there on the spot, and the rest was history. And Zuko really, truly, and _honestly_ had thought he could make this a one and done kind of deal. But that first night changed everything, and for that, he blames Sokka. 

Sokka who was so communicative, who asked him what he liked and how he liked it and because of both of those things coaxed so many orgasms out of Zuko that first night to the point that Zuko had to beg him to stop, raw and overstimulated and exhausted. 

Sokka who showered with him after, washing him and touching him like he was something precious. Sokka who sat on the couch with him, belly laughing at Bob’s Burgers while they waited for the food to be delivered. 

Sokka had carefully asked him about what went down between Zuko and Jet.

“He was just...really emotionally intense, y’know? It was a lot,” Zuko explained. “He wanted to be serious so fast. It was overwhelming and too much for me.”

Zuko, quite obviously, did _not_ mention the fact that he had spent the majority of their relationship half in love with Sokka. He truly had no ill will toward Jet. 

Sokka had seemed to ruminate on that before just nodding and changing the subject. 

Zuko would’ve been more than content to stay there all night, wrapped in Sokka’s arms, and maybe he could have, but he knew it was in his best interest to leave before he was asked to go. Zuko isn't even sure if staying the night had ever even been on the table, but instead of finding out the hard way, he’d begged off, due to the fact that he needed to feed Druk. It was true, he hadn’t been home in hours and it was _well_ past his cat’s dinner time. Druk was not one to forgive easily, but Zuko was also trying to be careful and not come off too clingy or too desperate like he knew he had in the past. 

Sokka - always so understanding - had just shrugged with an easy “I get it” as he kissed Zuko in the door. 

“You know, next time I can always come to you,” he offered, and while Zuko wanted to think _there won’t be a next time_ he knew it was a lie. 

Instead, Zuko just brushed it off. 

“You know I don’t mind coming to you...and how I am about my personal space. Besides...if my cat heard me screaming the way you had me earlier he’d probably call the cops on us.”

Sokka gave a surprised, full-bodied laugh at that and kissed Zuko again, murmuring for him to get home safe. 

Zuko had never felt so lonely in his own home as he did that first night. 

Two days later, Sokka’s name lighting up his phone had sent his heart rate into overdrive. It turned out it was just Sokka texting him something friendly and mundane, a funny, ridiculous story about a coworker. It was the kind of text Sokka sent him all the time _before_ , and so Zuko decided that if Sokka could act like a normal person about this, Zuko could, too. 

So, Zuko replied like he normally would and the rest of the week went by with all of their exchanges being normal and friendly. Sokka continued to send him dumb memes on Instagram, half of which Zuko didn’t understand, and Zuko would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy them.

So everything was moving along like normal and Zuko thought perhaps the Spirits were taking pity on him, allowing what happened between him and Sokka to actually be a one-time deal, until Sokka texted him the following Sunday.

**S:** hey. wanna come over for dinner...and dessert? ;)

 **Z:** Are you bootycalling me sokka

Sokka took his time replying. It made Zuko pace.

**S:** im offended u think that lowly of me. can one man not simply ask another man over for dinner without having ulterior motives?

 **Z:** Sokka. 

**S:** ok fine! would u like to come over and eat dinner and then bang afterwards ?

 **Z:** Be there in fifteen

Against his better judgment, against his promises to himself, he went to Sokka’s. Zuko was barely over the threshold of Sokka’s apartment before he was pushing Sokka up against his closed door, sinking down to his knees and blowing him right there. 

Afterward, Sokka just stared down at him, dazed before he grinned.

“Dinner can wait,” he said before hauling Zuko up and manhandling him into his bedroom.

Afterward, they’d lounged on the couch and Sokka had ordered them dinner, much like the first time.

“You know I was gonna cook something for you,” Sokka had claimed, “but I think you’ve effectively drained all my energy.”

Zuko had gone home again that night, even though Sokka had, once again, offered for him to stay. It was a boundary he was setting for himself. No staying the night.

He’d decided that he could do this. He could be Sokka’s friend _and_ fuck him and not make it weird, he’d thought to himself. Sokka was definitely one of the best partners he’d ever had. Beyond the fact that he seemed dead set on learning how to play Zuko’s body like a fine-tuned instrument, he was respectful of Zuko’s boundaries and he made sex _fun_. It would be stupid of Zuko to screw that kind of connection up. 

And part of him hung on to the shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, Sokka would start to feel the same way about him.

* * *

Zuko groans, staring at his computer, willing his brain to just _listen_ and for the rest of this damn chapter to just write itself. His inspiration has been stunted something fierce lately, his creativity stagnant. It happens sometimes, Zuko knows that, but it rarely happens to Zuko. Both his editor and his agent are expecting the next chapter of the third and final installment of his _Love Amongst the Dragons_ trilogy by the end of the week but Zuko’s not sure if that’s going to happen. 

He’s frustrated with himself. He has all these plans, he knows what he _wants_ to write, he just can’t seem to do it.

His friends aren’t exactly...aware of the fact that he’s kind of a best-selling author. It wasn’t on purpose, and it wasn’t like he was necessarily _hiding_ it. He’d released his first book under a pen name, Lee Sozin, more so for privacy than anything else. Thanks to his father, a media mogul, and an absolute asshole, Zuko’s name was fairly well known. Releasing a book, especially one where the central romance was centered around two men, would’ve gained him a lot of negative attention.

His story is in a fantasy setting that centers around two warring kingdoms. The main character was unknowingly fighting for what turned out to be the wrong side. It isn’t until he meets the other protagonist, and his eventual love interest, that he sees that he’s been fed lies his whole life. The first two books have a slow-build, enemies to lovers romantic subplot as his main character also fights within himself to decide which side he’ll choose. The two leads finally get together at the end of book two so Zuko knows his readers are clamoring for more, as well as for the grand finale of the trilogy itself. He hadn’t ever expected his novels to sell the way they did. To his own surprise, people _love_ them. 

So, in the end, he’s glad he chose a pen name.

His friends just think he’s a trust fund baby (not exactly untrue) who moonlights as a freelance writer (also not untrue, he _does_ freelancing work under his legal name). Still, he’s proud to say, most of his money these days is _his_.

Sometimes, when his writer’s block hits him hard, he’ll call Sokka and then go get his brains screwed out in every position imaginable just to de-stress. It typically leads to Zuko getting an incredible night’s sleep and waking up refreshed the next day.

Sokka is currently in Ba Sing Se on a business trip. He’s speaking at a conference about his latest cool-tech-invention that Zuko could never understand the semantics of in a million years, so Zuko’s out of luck. It’s stupid because he doesn’t really see Sokka more than once a week, but he misses him. He watches his Instagram stories obsessively any time he goes out of town for work, which is, unfortunately, a lot, and it looks like he’s having a lot of fun.

Sighing, Zuko closes his laptop. He knows he’s not going to get anything done tonight, so he may as well just lounge on the couch, watch Netflix, and mindlessly scroll through his phone. 

He’s been texting Sokka casually through the evening, and Sokka’s been updating him about how his presentation went earlier that day when things take a turn in a way they haven’t before.

**S:** it was unreal. def dont think ill ever get used to speaking in front of that many people. **S:** anyway what exciting things are u up to on this magical friday night?

 **Z:** Literally sitting on the couch, watching the good place, and eating a disgusting amount of chinese food

 **S:** oooh sounds sexy. what are u wearing? ;) Those nasty grey sweatpants with a hole in the crotch?

Zuko knows Sokka’s kidding but he decides, fuck it, he’s feeling bold. He shimmies out of the sweatpants he _is_ wearing - not the ones with the hole in the crotch, fuck you Sokka - and snaps a picture of the lower half of his body. He’s wearing a pair of red briefs he knows Sokka _loves_ that have a small tent in them already, just at the thought of sending Sokka this picture. 

**Z:** Something a little better than those

 **S:** FUCK

 **S:** spirits zuko warn a guy

Zuko panics for a moment, thinking he crossed a line.

**S:** omfg youre so hot youre gonna make me pop a boner in the middle of this hotel bar surrounded by all my coworkers.

Zuko breathes a sigh of relief and grins. Sokka is _so_ easy to work up. 

**Z:** So then maybe pay your tab and head up to your room so that when I send you the next pic you don’t come in your pants

 **S:** ha ha

 **S:** ok but seriously uh not out of the realm of possibility so maybe gimme a minute

 **Z:** Let me know when you’re somewhere a little more appropriate.

Zuko laughs to himself at the visual of Sokka quickly paying his tab and escaping up to his room, attempting to explain his sudden exit to his coworkers, all while attempting to hide his hard-on. While he waits for the green light from Sokka to continue, he pulls himself out of his briefs, stroking idly. It barely takes ten minutes for Sokka’s reply.

**S:** ok. im ready. hit me with it

 **Z:** Ask nicely

 **S:** baby, don't tease me now. pleaaaaaaseee let me see that beautiful dick of yours?

Sokka’s evil because he knows being called “baby” is one of Zuko’s weaknesses.

The next picture Zuko sends leaves little to the imagination. It’s truly nothing more than a dick pic, but he’s proud of it, if he says so himself. For someone who doesn’t exactly take a lot of nudes, it’s a good one. Sokka must agree because he skips replying with a text and just calls Zuko pretty much immediately.

“Holy fuck you are so _hot_ ,” he whispers, voice ragged.

“Hello to you, too,” Zuko replies, aiming for nonchalance and failing. He’s breathing just as fast as Sokka is.

It devolves into full-blown phone sex from there. Sokka really does talk a lot sometimes but it means his dirty talk is astronomically amazing. He’s unabashed with the things he says, his promises, and praise all going straight to Zuko’s cock. He’s already _so close_ when Sokka lands the final blow with his filthy mouth.

“When I’m home and I get to see you again…,” Sokka grunts, voice deep and raspy. “Maybe I’ll break out my nice rope and tie you to my bed. That way you’ll have to just lie there and take everything I give you. We can see how many times I can get you to come before you’re begging me to stop.”

Zuko comes almost immediately, nearly dropping his phone in the process as he arches off the couch, shooting all over his belly. He hears Sokka follow him shortly after.

“Spirits, that was amazing,” Sokka laughs breathily on the other end. “Why haven’t we done that before? Ugh give me a second to do a little cleanup and then I’ll tell you about the rest of the conference.”

There’s rustling on the other end of the line and Zuko takes the moment to clean himself up as well. When they’re both done, Sokka stays on the line with him, retelling his day and all the excitement of the conference, prattling on about normal things like he didn’t just say some of the nastiest shit that Zuko’s ever had the pleasure of hearing not even minutes ago.

After Sokka hangs up and Zuko drags himself to bed, he pulls up his notes app.

He’s had two separate “texts to Sokka” saved for a depressing amount of time now. One of them confesses his feelings and asks Sokka if he wants to be more. That’s the brave text. The other is just something cowardly and along the lines of “I can’t do this anymore” without admitting to any feelings or giving Sokka any vulnerability. 

He’s not sure when - or if - he’ll choose and send The Text. He should before things get more entangled and complicated than they already are. If he thought he could keep his feelings and their friendship and the sex all in separate boxes, he was dead wrong.

Still, as much as he thinks to himself over and over again that he’ll be brave and either confess his feelings or end things all together, part of him knows he’ll run this thing into the ground until it kills him. Because having even the smallest part of Sokka is better than not having him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ actual footage of me forcing my self-indulgent writing on yall](https://twitter.com/findurmeme/status/1165747061024706560)  
> -  
> next time: the gaang (+ mai & ty lee) go to ember island, as per their yearly tradition. for once, Zuko and Sokka actually share a bed 👀


	2. i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of course comes from none other than taylor swift's "[cruel summer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic8j13piAhQ&ab_channel=TaylorSwiftVEVO)" because what better song to blast when you're pining over your best friend on your summer vacation?

The groupchat is - as Sokka would put it - “ _poppin’ off_ ” as Zuko throws the finishing touches of his stuff into his suitcase. It’s the first week of September and the gang was readying for their annual trip to Ember Island. It was a tradition, something they’d started after they all graduated from college and began going their separate ways. It was a time for all of them to come together and reconnect. He has Iroh and the family vacation house to thank for that, and as they’ve aged the trips have become less “alcohol-fueled ragers”, and more “relaxing beach getaway with appropriate amounts of drunkenness.” It’s a good thing, too. Zuko’s coming up on thirty and he can’t drink like he used to.

Sokka texts him separately from the rest of the group, letting Zuko know he’ll be by shortly to pick Zuko up to head out to the airport. They’ll pick up Toph on the way there, meeting Ty Lee, Mai, and Suki at the Republic City International Airport. Katara and Aang would meet them at the airport on Ember Island. They’d been off saving the world together over the last year, traveling with Doctors Without Borders, so they were flying in from Ba Sing Se instead. 

Sokka picks him up, taking Zuko’s luggage from him and putting it in the trunk of his Explorer. He makes excited conversation with Zuko as they head to Toph’s and it’s still so weird to Zuko, even after a few months of doing whatever it is they’re doing, how _normal_ Sokka acts around him when they aren’t fucking. 

For example, the last time he’d seen Sokka, he’d literally been tied up to his bed.

It’s somehow weird but not awkward at the same time, and Zuko isn’t even sure how that’s possible. He’s stopped from his spiraling thoughts by their arrival at Toph’s condo. He gets out to help Sokka with her bags and she punches them both in both excitement and greeting. 

Ember Island is something they all look forward to every year. 

The other girls greet them with equal enthusiasm - and less hitting - at the airline’s check-in area and they easily make their way through security and to their gate after that. Toph insists on the middle seat during the plane ride - “It’s not like I can see out the window, anyway, and I hate the aisle. Too many people coming and going into my personal space” - and Zuko’s fine with that. Sokka and Suki chatter excitedly across the aisle and Ty Lee falls asleep on Mai's shoulder, like she always does when they travel, no matter how short the flight.

Zuko just stares out of the window instead, watching the landscape give way to the sea as they ascend. It’s a short flight, barely an hour from one gate to the next, and Zuko spends it overthinking, of course.

This is the first time he and Sokka will be together in such close quarters with their friends. The two of them had acted as normal as possible around their friends in the past couple of months. If anything, Sokka _was_ a little flirtier with him and always made sure to sit next to him at dinner or brunch or the movies or wherever their little gang ended up. 

While they’d never necessarily agreed to keep what they’re doing secret, they also weren’t broadcasting it to their friends. Firstly, it was no one’s business. Secondly, their friends not only had the tendency to meddle but on top of that, news spread fast in their little friend group. If one of their friends knew, it would only be a matter of time before they _all_ did. While it wouldn’t be the end of the world, Zuko also didn’t want their friends involved or their opinions for that matter. 

Probably because they’d be telling Zuko things he didn’t want to hear, but that’s beside the point. 

He’s sure Suki knows, one way or another. Either because she’s figured it out herself or Sokka has told her, but if any of their friends _for sure_ wouldn’t let it slip to anyone else, it’d be Suki. Toph, _maybe_ , though it would depend on how generous she was feeling. He trusts Mai with his whole life and she’s his best friend (aside from Sokka) but Ty Lee could be incredibly convincing. And as far as Aang and Katara go, they shared just about everything with one another. He wasn’t sure he could face both Katara’s judgment and Aang’s pity at the same time and survive it. 

The couple is already at the tiny, regional airport, waiting at the baggage check when the rest of them arrive. The girls go to meet up with Aang and Katara while Sokka and Zuko take care of getting the eight-seater rental SUV for their vacation. Zuko’s family’s house is tucked away on a quieter part of the island, a good twenty-five minutes out of the town so it makes sense. Split between the eight of them, it’s not too expensive. 

They reconvene in the pickup area for arrivals and it takes them a few minutes of playing suitcase-Tetris with all their stuff before everything’s nicely packed away. The one nice thing about his family name and wealth meant that Iroh called ahead to have the people who cleaned and tended to the house’s gardens stock the kitchen as well. Zuko honestly didn’t think there was any room in the car for groceries.

With all of Zuko’s main worrying centering around their friends finding out they’ve been fucking like proverbial bunnies he completely forgot one key detail about their long weekend in Ember island. 

Four out of their eight friends were boo’d up with each other. Meaning Suki and Toph and Sokka and Zuko end up sharing rooms. Much like they had the year before, of course, but that was when Zuko’s _thing_ for Sokka wasn’t in the full-blown disastrously in love stage.

It’ll be _fine_ Zuko reminds himself as Sokka, ever the gentleman rolls both their luggage towards the master suite (it is Zuko’s house, after all, he gets the first pick of rooms). The bed is a California king so they don’t even really have to touch, much less cuddle. 

Still, Zuko knows his body is a traitor and he’ll somehow, embarrassingly, find a way to wrap himself around Sokka like the desperate octopus he is in the middle of the night.

Agni, help him.

* * *

By the time they’re settled, it’s late afternoon. Zuko had sent a picture of the gardens to Azula who’d sent him a thumbs up emoji in return along with a cryptic message he didn’t even try to decode.

Azula’s presence with the rest of them came and went on Ember Island. This year, her excuse for not coming was that she was on some _other_ island trying to “find herself” and reach “inner peace.” That meant she’d be on the straight and narrow for a while before she got bored of it and started going back to her old ways. Still, he hoped for her sake the island was good for her healing. 

Their relationship had become less difficult over the years through both individual and family therapy, but there would always be something strained between them, no matter how hard Zuko tried to soothe over the wounds of their childhood. She’s always had a harder time breaking out of their father’s grip than Zuko did. Then again, Zuko hadn’t spoken to his father face-to-face since he was thirteen and Ozai gave him the burn scar that marred his left eye. The last time he’d even been in the same room as Ozai was in a Caldera courtroom, his uncle, mother, and stepfather at his side. Iroh’s lawyers were good, but Ozai’s lawyers were better. 

The other man had left the hearing with barely a slap on the wrist, a fine and “community service.” Power, influence, and money were a surefire way of making sure one never had to truly pay the price for their actions.

Zuko shakes off the memories, locking his phone, putting it away because that’s not what this weekend is about, and joins the other for a drink out on the front deck. After some time, Sokka, Zuko, and Aang split off to start dinner - it’s the boys’ turn tonight - Sokka and Zuko manning the grill together out on the back patio and Aang taking care of the rice and steamed buns. 

Sokka focuses on the meat while Zuko tends to the veggies and overall the meal turns out pretty damn good. They all spend the rest of the night casually drinking, laughing, and catching up. They’d planned for a whole day on the beach the next day, so no one really wants to be hungover for that.

Eventually, everyone heads off to bed. 

He and Sokka don’t hook up. 

They get ready for bed together in comfortable silence. It’s weird because it almost feels like how things were this time last year. Before they went and complicated everything. Things aren’t tense, like how Zuko thought they’d be. Sokka bids him goodnight with a contented yawn after they crawl under the covers, together, but on opposite sides of the giant bed. It’s nice. It feels like old times.

Zuko just prays to any deity listening that he doesn’t make a fool of himself in the night.

* * *

When Zuko wakes the next morning, he’s thankfully still on his side of the bed. What’s strange is that Sokka must have already gotten up. Zuko typically wakes before everyone else, save for Aang who likes to get up early to meditate. The opposite side of the bed is also neatly made, another strange thing, as Sokka isn’t one to religiously make his bed.

Sure enough when Zuko pads through the house, still in just his sleep pants, and out to the back gardens he finds Aang sitting peacefully, legs crossed and eyes closed. 

Zuko folds down next to him and begins his own morning meditation. They are, of course, eventually interrupted by none other than Sokka.

“Hey I was gonna make some eggs, you guys want - oh, sorry,” Sokka says, hushing at the end there. 

Zuko looks up the steps that lead from the gardens to the back patio to see Sokka standing at the top. He flushed and sweaty, his hair in a ponytail, and holding a bottle of water. To top it all off, he’s shirtless and wearing those _damn_ running shorts of his that have a literal two-inch inseam, showing off his incredible thighs. The effect on Zuko seeing so much of Sokka’s skin on display was near immediate. Zuko’s gaze travels up Sokka’s body, lingering on his abs and pecs before finally meeting the other man’s eyes.

Sokka’s brow is raised and his expression’s smug, informing Zuko that he’s quite well aware of the fact that Zuko was just overtly checking him out. He takes a deliberate swig of his water, throat bobbing obscenely as he swallows. When he’s had his fill, he holds the bottle out towards Zuko.

“Thirsty?” He offers, smirking.

Zuko is all but speechless.

“I’m good,” Aang says, cheerfully, completely oblivious to the building sexual tension in the air. “I’ll definitely have some eggs, though!”

The interruption sobers Zuko, reminding him of where they are. Any one of their other friends, even Toph who was blind, would’ve picked up on that blatant flirting. He swears solemnly to himself that he’ll keep his blatant thirsting over Sokka to a minimum during the rest of the trip. At least around the others. 

Sokka makes enough scrambled eggs to feed a small army and yet by the time all the others have woken up and filed through the kitchen, the entire pan of them is gone. Katara puts on coffee at some point and Sokka hands him a mug of it, exactly how Zuko likes it. He tries not to read too much into that. Sokka’s been his best friend for years. Of course, he knows how Zuko - a caffeine-addicted writer - takes his coffee. 

They pack up and head down to the beach shortly after breakfast, bringing along chairs, umbrellas, a waterproof speaker, and a cooler full of water, drinks, and snacks. 

Zuko’s first order of business as they settle in is to make sure he’s covered in sunscreen. His mom refers to his skin as _porcelain_ but Zuko thinks he’s just straight-up pasty. He knows firsthand the misery of burning on the first day of vacation so he’s always careful.

“Need some help?” Sokka murmurs, settling down behind Zuko and taking the bottle of sunscreen.

Zuko’s been pointedly not even letting himself look at Sokka. His hair is down and his blue swim trunks aren’t much longer than those obscene running shorts. Zuko wonders how he ever survived these trips before now without actually combusting from sexual frustration.

Zuko gives Sokka a nod and Sokka starts lathering up his back, large hands _thoroughly_ applying the sunscreen.

“Don’t want you to burn, you’re already hot enough as it is,” Sokka whispers, playfully.

“That was _awful_ ,” Zuko says and Sokka’s so close he can feel the other man’s laugh.

Sokka doesn’t linger on helping Zuko too long, it seems he isn’t trying to get caught by their friends, either. 

After giving himself a half-hearted, once-over spray of sunblock, Sokka bounds off to the shoreline, crashing through the waves and tackling Aang into the water. The two of them spend a lot of the day goofing around in the surf while Katara, Suki, and sometimes Ty Lee join in. Toph stands at the shore and eggs them on, though she won’t go into the ocean itself. Mai and Zuko mostly lounge in the sun or under the refuge of the umbrella, reading, gossiping, and sipping spiked seltzers. He watches the way she watches Ty Lee and wonders if that’s what he looks like when he looks at Sokka. He sure as hell hopes not. Mai’s affection for Ty Lee is written all over her typically enigmatic face.

He also, of course, watches Sokka from behind the safety of his dark-tinted sunglasses. Even though Zuko knows Sokka was born amidst snow and ice, he looks like he was born for the beaches. His dark skin glistens with the salty ocean water and he seems to _gleam_ in the sun. His muscles ripple as he roughhouses with Aang and Zuko knows just how strong those biceps are, how easily Sokka can pin someone else down with them and -

Okay. Maybe Zuko should switch from the spiked seltzer to water. The alcohol is not helping his resolve.

Eventually, the others tire of playing in the waves, so Sokka drags Zuko down into the water next. Never being able to say no to Sokka, Zuko follows along dutifully. 

They mostly just hang out, bobbing in the gentle waves and talking until Sokka decides to drop another awful pickup line on Zuko. 

“Y’know, I was thinking,” Sokka says, floating over to speak lowly into Zuko’s ear, “I wanna pound you the way the ocean pounds the shore.”

Zuko sputters indignantly before pushing on Sokka’s shoulders, effectively dunking him under the water. It’s almost sad how even the dumbest line still makes Zuko shiver a little.

When Sokka comes up for air, he’s laughing, head thrown back and clutching his chest and Zuko wishes for the barest of moments that either this was _real_ and they didn’t care about prying eyes or that his friends weren’t there so he could just kiss Sokka. 

Sokka moves to most likely dunk Zuko back, but he knows his poor libido will not be able to handle a wet, happy, mostly-naked Sokka putting his hands all over him, so he stops the other man.

“If you dunk me, I swear I won’t touch your dick for the entirety of the trip,” Zuko warns. 

Sokka holds his hands up in surrender, “I feel like that’s a very empty threat, but I don’t want to push my luck.”

They drift for a little while longer before they head back up to their setup drying off in the sun joining the others for an afternoon snack and drink. 

It takes a while for Zuko to realize Sokka’s been rather quiet, absorbed in a book.

“Whatcha reading?” Suki asks him, poking his side with a bare foot.

“Hmmm?” Sokka replies before tearing his attention from the book. “Oh. It’s called _War Within our Hearts_ . It’s the second book in a trilogy called _Love Amongst the Dragons_. It’s really good. The last one just got announced a bit ago to be coming out this winter, so I’m rereading them.”

Zuko’s stomach drops into his ass at the mention of his book titles coming out of Sokka’s mouth. Sokka has read his books. Sokka is sitting feet from Zuko, reading Zuko’s secret, bestselling book that his friends don’t know about.

“Is it any good?” He asks, trying to keep his voice level and not give himself away.

“It’s _so_ good. Definitely one of my favorites -” oh spirits, oh spirits, oh _spirits_ “- I actually feel like you’d really like it. Seems like it’s right up your alley.” 

Oh, Sokka had no idea how “up his alley” the books Zuko _wrote_ were. 

Zuko nods. “Guess I’ll have to check it out.”

He hopes to hell that it comes off as nonchalant because inwardly, Zuko is panicking because _his books are some of Sokka’s favorites._ Sokka has read his writing and he likes it. He likes it enough to re-read it. It means a lot more to Zuko than he ever thought it would.

Sokka goes back to his book and the conversation moves on but Zuko remains kind of lost in his head, only half paying attention. 

Eventually, they pack up their things and head back to the house for showers and late-afternoon naps before dinner. 

By the time they’re in their room, the door closed and locked behind them, Zuko can hardly stand it anymore. He spent the day watching Sokka prance around the beach with his shirt off and his hair down and he was praising Zuko’s books. 

Zuko wants Sokka and he wants him _now_.

He says as much into Sokka’s pleasantly surprised mouth as he pushes him toward the bathroom. He does want to wash the salt, sweat, and sand off himself, after all. 

The pro of the master bathroom is that it has a huge, glass door shower with two showerheads. The con of that is that they have to pause their frenzied makeout session so that Sokka can turn the shower on. 

Well, Sokka has to pause his half of their makeout session. Zuko just takes the opportunity to suck and bite at Sokka’s neck - always so careful never to linger long enough to leave any marks - while he works his hands into the front of Sokka’s swim trunks. 

“Shit, Zuko,” Sokka hisses, but he’s already half-hard and doesn’t move to stop Zuko. Instead, he tugs him along toward the shower and Zuko can hear the shower turn on while he starts to stroke. 

Sokka moans and pulls Zuko in to kiss him again as the water warms, then trails his hands down Zuko’s back, sneaking them under the waistband of Zuko’s swimsuit to squeeze at the globes of Zuko’s ass. 

“Off,” Zuko demands tugging at Sokka’s bottoms and Sokka obliges him easily. Zuko follows suit and soon enough they’re both naked and under the warm spray.

Zuko gives himself sixty seconds max for a perfunctory rinse-off before he’s pushing Sokka back toward the wall, away from the water. The air around them is pleasantly balmy as he drops to his knees. The tile is the furthest thing from comfortable on his kneecaps, but damn is it worth it for the way Sokka gasps. It’s not rare for Zuko to go down on him, but it is less often in their dynamic that Zuko’s the aggressor for sex. 

Sokka pushes Zuko’s drenched hair out of his face as he sets to work bobbing his head, increasing the suction as he makes his way down to the head, the way he knows Sokka likes it. He looks up, making eye contact with Sokka intermittently, and every time he does, Sokka is watching him like Zuko is the sole focus of his universe. It’s heady and that on top of Sokka’s whispered praise - “yeah, so good, Zuko, just like that” - and breathless moans have Zuko hard and aching himself.

Soon enough, Sokka starts tugging at his hair, a typical sign that he’s close so Zuko doubles his efforts, eager to get Sokka off.

“No, no, no, not yet baby,” Sokka warns, gently pulling Zuko off of him. One of his hands comes down to trace alongside Zuko’s face, thumbing at his lip. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous. But I wanna fuck you.”

Zuko isn’t going to argue with _that_. Sokka helps him up off the floor and turns the shower off. They both quickly towel off and make their way toward the bedroom. 

Sokka pulls the top sheet and comforter to the foot of the bed while Zuko quickly grabs the lube and a condom from his bed. By the time he turns around, Sokka has a pillow in the center of the bed with a dry towel over it.

“Someone was a boy scout, huh?” Sokka asks, noting the supplies in Zuko's hands.

“Shut up,” Zuko replies, tossing the bottle and a condom on the bed. “Don’t act like you didn’t bring stuff, too, Mr. Man-With-A-Plan.”

Sokka just grins and manhandles Zuko onto the bed, hips raised on the pillow.

“Oh, I definitely did,” Sokka concedes as he warms the lube between his fingers. “You know me. I like to be prepared for _every_ possible situation. I was hoping I’d get a chance to have you like this. Your knees okay?” He finishes, noting the reddened marks from their time in the shower.

“I do not give a fuck about my knees right now,” Zuko states. “Now hurry _up_.”

“Pushy,” Sokka mutters, but kisses each of Zuko’s kneecaps for good measure before getting to work, 

Sokka starts to open him up then, quick and dirty because Zuko begs him to. This is something Sokka typically takes his time with, torturing Zuko until Zuko is all but begging for something more inside of him. He doesn’t seem to have the patience for that tonight and Zuko is not complaining. 

Soon enough Sokka’s rolling on a condom, stroking himself with more lube, and sliding into Zuko slowly. The initial stretch burns more than usual but fuck if it isn’t the good type of burn.

Sokka kisses him sweetly while he thrusts shallow and slow, allowing Zuko time to adjust if he needs it. Contrary to the fact, what Zuko needs right now is Sokka fucking him like he means it.

He grabs the muscled globes of Sokka’s ass and tells him so.

“C’mon Sokka, I’ve wanted you inside me since this morning. Fuck me like you mean it.”

Because he knows Sokka like he knows the back of his own hand, Zuko isn’t surprised when Sokka takes the challenge in stride, setting a punishing pace with his hips.

“All I could think about, all day was how much I wanted you just. Like. This,” Sokka murmurs, punctuating the last three words with powerful thrusts.

“And all _I_ could think about all day was you fucking me through the mattress,” Zuko counters. “You knew what you were doing to me with those little shorts.”

“Damn right I did,” Sokka grins, pushing his damp hair out of his face.

They stop with the mid-fuck conversation shortly after that, the only noises their grunts and low moans. Too damn soon, Zuko feels himself approaching the edge and Sokka can tell too.

“Touch yourself,” Sokka orders and Zuko does so immediately, hand working over his dick so fast that his arm starts to cramp with it. “ _Yeah,_ baby, that’s it,” Sokka encourages. “C’mon, Zuko, don’t you wanna come for me?”

Zuko _does_ want to come for him, very much so, and to his credit all it takes is a half a dozen more strokes and a couple of well-angled thrusts paired with more praise from Sokka for Zuko to finally come, biting his lip so he doesn’t outright scream with the force of it. If they’d been back home, Zuko would’ve had no shame in letting totally lose, but he doesn’t want to tip their friends off. 

Sokka comes shortly after him, grunting then thrusting one, two, three times before he’s capturing Zuko’s mouth in a kiss as he shudders above him. 

They lie there for a bit after, trading languid kisses before they get up to have a real shower before dinner. 

Since it’s the girls’ turn to cook that night, after their - strictly business this time - shower, Sokka steers Zuko back to bed for a nap. He maneuvers Zuko to be his little spoon and they drift easily to sleep, only to wake to Ty Lee banging on their door announcing that dinner will be ready in ten minutes.

After dinner, they all go down to the beach again to light a fire and drink under the moonlight. When they all eventually beg off to bed, Sokka pulls Zuko back into his place against Sokka’s chest.

* * *

The rest of the trip passes quickly in a haze of sun, sea, and Sokka. 

While they’re still careful to keep the sexual component of their relationship hidden from the others, he wakes up with Sokka plastered all over him every morning and kissing him to sleep every night. It almost feels like something’s shifting between them. Sokka’s easy affection that typically only used to come out after they’d fucked seeps into their daily interactions, even in front of their friends.

Zuko starts to think that the first text, the “Confess Your Feelings” text may end up being the front runner, after all.

Which is why, of course, it all goes to shit on their very last night. 

It happens over dinner. And it’s stupid, truly, but it still seems to turn the world on its axis.

Sokka offers to refill Zuko’s wine glass and Zuko accepts, then they “cheers” each other, glasses clinking as they give each other secretive smiles over the rims.

Toph makes a retching noise from across the table. “You two are so  _ married. _ ”

There’s a brief pause in the chatter where Sokka’s fork clatters to his plate loudly. The others burst into good-natured laughter but Zuko catches a  _ look _ on Sokka’s face before he joins in. It’s brief, and maybe Zuko was just imagining it but for a moment there, Sokka looked like he’d been kicked in the stomach, the air knocked out of him.

Zuko tries to rectify the situation quickly, rolling his eyes amiably. “You guys are ridiculous. Sokka and I are  _ friends.  _ Just because most of the rest of you are coupled up doesn’t mean we have to be too.”

This turns the teasing to the two couples, asking them when  _ they’ll _ get married and Zuko breathes a sigh of relief that the attention is off of them. He dares a glance at Sokka, only to see the tension is back in his friend’s shoulders. 

It hurts Zuko’s feelings a little (okay, a lot) that their friends even insinuating that they’re together would make him that upset. 

Sokka’s weird mood doesn’t really go away after dinner. Suki seems to be the only other one to notice it, and she’s shooting Sokka these worried glances that Sokka won’t return.

Zuko wonders, once again, if Suki knows, after all. She was Sokka’s best friend, too and they dated for a while there during and after college.

Sokka eventually begs off early while everyone else is drinking and playing Cards Against Humanity, claiming he needs to finish packing. Zuko wants to follow him, but even he can read the room enough to know that Sokka needs to be alone right now.

He means to apologize to Sokka, more so on behalf of their friends, but by the time he gets to their room that night, Sokka is already asleep, back turned away from Zuko’s side of the bed. Zuko wakes up alone again on their last morning. He can feel the strain between Sokka and him as they pack their stuff up along with the others to head back to the airport. Their flight leaves before Aang and Katara’s so they all say their goodbyes before they board their plane. 

Sokka is quiet, reserved. He blames it on being tired, but Zuko’s gut tells him it has something to do with what went down the night before. 

Zuko can feel the rift between them like a deep, cavernous chasm. By the time it’s just the two of them in the car after they’ve dropped Toph off, Zuko isn’t even brave enough to try to talk it out. He’s too raw right now to get the kind of answers he knows he doesn’t want to hear.

He wants to laugh at his past self, just days ago, thinking that things might be,  _ could _ be, different between the two of them once they got home. 

It was foolish of him, he thinks, to hope in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh. more clown to clown communication 🤡 a little insider's tidbit the first morning when he woke up sokka was already out of bed bc he woke early to find himself cuddling zuko in his sleep. he made the bed, hoping Zuko would never find out, and went out on a run to work off his frustrations 🤡🤡🤡 it's the repressing your feelings for me 
> 
> next time: the fallout from ember island and even though it’ll be a few days late the gays n gals go out for Halloween!! and maybe, just maybe like all things spooky on Halloween...some exes come out to play


	3. i try to quit, but i get so high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of this chapter comes from carlie hanson’s "[side effects](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-GHcfg90aE&ab_channel=CarlieHanson)" which encapsulates this chapter and fic soooo very well. It’s a bop, give it a listen!

Sokka and Zuko don’t talk for almost two weeks following Ember Island. 

It’s the longest span in their entire friendship, regardless of whether they were sleeping together or not. It’s a fresh kind of torture, and it hits Zuko as what could be their very reality if this thing between them ends, or at the very least if it ends badly. 

Zuko can’t help but mull over the reasoning behind Sokka’s behavior. He’d laughed along with the others at the joke about them being “married.” The only off-kilter thing was that brief and minute expression - and maybe Zuko had imagined it - like the mere idea of the two of them being married was painful to him. 

Zuko had tried to smooth things over because, in the end, they  _ were _ just friends, but it had only seemed to make things worse. He doesn’t get it. He knows he should just do the healthy, adult thing where they communicate openly and honestly with each other - and he  _ knows _ that’s possible between them because they’ve always communicated well about their sex life - but even after years of personal growth and therapy, communicating his emotions is still really hard for Zuko. 

Not to mention, he’s afraid that if he  _ does _ communicate as openly with Sokka as he wants to, he’s going to hear things he doesn’t want to. He wants to hold on to what he and Sokka have, no matter how twisted it’s gotten, for just a little bit longer. 

Zuko decides to throw himself into his writing instead, and he actually gets quite a lot accomplished. He supposes he lowkey has Sokka to thank for that. There’s nothing quite like escaping into your own, curated fantasy world, working through your characters’ problems in order to ignore your own.

Maybe not exactly healthy or sustainable but it’s a good bandaid for the sting of Sokka’s radio silence.

Zuko’s so close to giving in but is unsure if he should ask Sokka if they can talk or reach out and pretend like nothing ever happened and they didn’t just avoid each other for two weeks straight. 

Sokka ends up saving him from having to make that decision by replying to Zuko’s Instagram story of a photo of Druk splayed out in the sunlight. It’s definitely in the “pretend like nothing happened” category but Zuko’s willing to roll with it. 

They shoot the shit back and forth for a little bit via DMs and then the conversation comes to its natural end. But from there on out, it’s almost like things snap right back into place, like their little hiccup at Ember Island never even happened in the first place.

When Sokka invites him over for their usual Sunday Funday, Zuko tries not to let his excitement show when he says “yes” almost immediately. By that point, it’s been over two weeks and Zuko is pent up, okay?

Sokka must be on the same page as him because he answers his door shirtless, in just a pair of black sweats, and immediately pulls Zuko into a searing kiss. 

It isn’t long before he’s in Sokka’s bed, moaning face down into the pillows, his back arched as Sokka eats him out from behind. By the time he starts to open Zuko up with slicked fingers, Zuko’s all by sobbing with how much he just needs Sokka inside him. 

“Sokka, I’m good. I’m ready, please just fuck me.  _ Please. _ ”

He hears the crinkle and subsequent rip of the condom wrapper, as well as Sokka slicking himself up. Zuko breathes, almost in relief, as he feels the blunt head of Sokka’s dick. But the other man seems in no rush, just lazily thrusts between the clefts of Zuko’s cheeks.

He squirms, pushing back against Sokka, hoping he’ll get the picture.

“I want to hear you beg for it,” Sokka murmurs.

“I  _ did _ ,” Zuko whines. “I just asked you to fuck me!”

There’s a slap to his ass, a warning.

“And I -” Sokka says, blanketing his body over Zuko’s back and mouthing at his ear. It’s a dirty ploy, he knows doing that goes straight to Zuko’s dick. “ - asked you to beg.”

So he does.

“Sokka, please. Please fuck me. I need it, I need  _ you.  _ I’ve missed it so much. Please, just fuck me already!”

“That’s better,” Sokka murmurs before sliding in and, blessedly, stopping his torture there. He picks up the pace immediately, obviously on the same page as Zuko now that he was done teasing. Sokka straightens back up, gripping Zuko’s hips possessively and fucking into him with a power and intensity that Zuko had never been on the receiving end of before. While Zuko isn’t necessarily a talker in bed in general, Sokka’s thrusts were rendering Zuko speechless, the only sounds coming from his mouth high pitched moans. Sokka’s uncharacteristically nonverbal too, but then again he  _ was _ doing an immense amount of work.

“You miss this? I know you did, baby,” Sokka eventually grunts.

“I did,  _ fuck, _ I missed your dick, I missed  _ you _ ,” Zuko admits desperately. Sokka makes a strangled noise at the admission and he repositions himself so that his hand can come around to jerk Zuko off, bringing him to a quick climax. Sokka follows suit soon after, pulling out and coming in ropes all over Zuko’s ass and the small of his back. 

After the intensity of that round, neither of them are eager to get up from where they’ve collapsed onto Sokka’s bed. With Sokka behind him, arms around Zuko's waist placing gentle, lazy kisses where Zuko’s neck met his shoulders, Zuko comes down from his high, gently and pleasantly.

Zuko is so fucking bewitched by everything about Sokka, but the sex just added another layer. The feeling is so all-consuming Zuko legitimately feels intoxicated by it all. He could endure the lows of this thing between Sokka and him if it meant he could hold on to the highs like this for just a little longer.

* * *

Things go back to some semblance of normal after that, even though Zuko still feels an inexplicable rift between them.

He’s always held his cards close to his chest, he knows that and Sokka’s typically been the more open of the two of them, but he definitely feels a change on Sokka’s end. To be fair, Sokka’s in the middle of not one, but two new projects at work. One new development is enough to make Sokka kind of strung tight...Zuko had never seen him work on two at a time before. It’s fine though, Zuko’s also throwing himself into his writing as things come down to the wire to get the final installment published.

Even if Sokka is the same attentive, generous lover he’s always been, their “hangouts” grow shorter and during those in-between times that they normally just lounge and talk, Sokka’s either a million miles away or on his phone, laptop, or tablet for work.

Of course, he still finds time to send Zuko dumb memes and random texts, but that rift is still there, and Zuko isn’t sure it’s one they can close.

There’s a Sunday, toward the end of October when they’d originally planned to meet up, but Zuko hasn’t heard from Sokka in days. He almost discounts it, thinking maybe this is finally the end and that Sokka is ghosting him, but Suki texts him that afternoon.

**Suki:** have you talked to Sokka lately??

**Zuko:** We were supposed to hang out today but he’s been kinda MIA all week

**Zuko:** Is everything okay?

**Suki:** i think so? i know he’s slammed at work but katara said he went into one of his workaholic modes this weekend and she’s afraid he isn’t eating or sleeping

**Suki:** i know you have one of his spares and are close. if you're busy i can totally check in on him but either way someone needs to break into this boy’s apartment and make sure he hasn’t drowned himself in coffee or something

**Zuko:** Spirits Sokka

**Zuko:** Yeah. I’ll stop by that Thai place he loves on 5th and maybe the pad thai will coax him out of his work haze

**Suki:** if anything can, it’s Ziree’s pad thai

**Suki:** thank you!! please let me know if the dumbass is alive

**Suki:** you’re a good friend

**Zuko:** Of course

Zuko feeds Druk before heading out, bringing his laptop with him so he can get some work done while he keeps an eye on Sokka. Sokka used to get like this sometimes in college, too, when he had a huge project coming up or especially during finals season. Zuko remembers one instance where he and Suki literally had to confiscate Sokka’s computer and force him into bed. He’d gotten a lot better about healthy time management and study habits by the time they were all seniors, so this must be a whole new level of stress for him.

Ziree greets him excitedly, and Zuko gives her a thumbs up when she asks if he wants their usual. He gets enough pad thai and Khao pad to feed an army and promises Ziree they’ll be in to eat soon. Not too long later, he’s opening Sokka’s door, a bag of warm, savory smelling Thai food in one arm.

“Sokka?” he calls out. 

There’s no answer, but truthfully, he didn’t expect one. Sokka goes into a type of trance when he’s focused like this. He could probably drape himself across Sokka’s desk naked and the other man wouldn’t notice.

He places the food on Sokka’s counter and heads for his office. Sokka is in there, sitting at his desk, face lit by his laptop’s screen. He’s muttering to himself and to be quite frank he looks like shit. 

“You look like shit,” he says in lieu of a greeting, mostly to see Sokka jump in surprise.

“Spirit’s Zuko, warn a guy,” Sokka says, clutching his chest dramatically. He then squints at the time on his computer and his face crumples. “Oh shit. We had plans, didn’t we?”

“A little bit,” Zuko agrees. 

A guilty look crosses Sokka’s face. “Not that I’m not always happy to see you, buddy, but I really don’t think I have time to - ”

“I’m not here to have sex with you,” Zuko interrupts. 

Sokka pauses, blinking owlishly. “You’re...not?”

“No, dumbass. I’m here because Suki and your sister are worried about you and you’ve been in a work vortex all week. Don’t think I don’t remember how you used to get in college.”

“I may have...been a little distracted this week,” Sokka admits sheepishly, then checks his phone. “Oh, shit,” he remarks at what must be a plethora of messages. 

“Oh shit, indeed,” Zuko agrees. “When was the last time you ate?”

The fact that Sokka has to even pause to think about that lets Zuko know it’s been a while.

“Coffee does not count,” Zuko adds.

“Uh. I had a croissant this morning. And I think I ate lunch?” Sokka offers, scratching the back of his head. Zuko just narrows his eyes. “Okay, well I definitely had breakfast. That counts for something.”

“Save whatever it is you’re working on and come with me. I picked up food from Ziree’s.”

Sokka perks up immediately, scrambling to do just that. When he closes his laptop, Zuko confiscates it and his tablet, too for good measure.

“Hey!” Sokka accuses.

“You’re not getting either back until you’ve eaten. And maybe showered,” Zuko wrinkles his nose. 

Sokka leads the way to the kitchen, grumbling a little but makes a plate for both himself and Zuko. Zuko turns on Schitt’s Creek while they eat and Sokka literally all but inhales his food. Zuko’s barely halfway done when he can feel Sokka eyeing what’s left of their order.

“You can finish it,” Zuko says and Sokka grabs the remaining pad thai, eating it straight out of the carton. After he’s eaten his fill, Sokka starts to inch toward his electronics but Zuko continues to hold them hostage.

“Shower first,” Zuko demands, and Sokka sighs but does as he’s told. While Sokka showers Zuko sends out texts to both Suki and Katara, letting them know Finals Week Sokka was back in full force but he’s since been fed and is showering. Both girls send him fervent “thank you”s and Zuko replies with promises to get Sokka to bed at a reasonable hour. 

When he comes back, hair wet and in a soft tee and sweatpants, Zuko finally hands his things back over, then pulls out his own laptop.

They work in silence for a bit but after some time he can feel Sokka’s eyes on him. He looks up to meet Sokka’s gaze.

“What?” he asks.

Sokka just shakes his head and gives Zuko a little fond smile that makes Zuko’s heart feel like it’s tripping over itself.

“Nothing. Just wanted to say thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Zuko says, voice a little tight. “You work too hard sometimes.”

Sokka just grunts, obviously not up for  _ that  _ argument tonight and they get back to work in silence. It’s been a long time since the two of them have hung out alone with no sex involved.

Zuko tries not to think too hard about how, even though certain aspects of their relationship are currently a little strained, things are always still so  _ easy _ between them. He tries not to let his mind wander into the thought of how, if they were in a relationship, this could be every night. Easy silence, one of their favorite comedies on in the background, and the comfort of being in someone’s presence without having to feel the need to make conversation.

Zuko suppresses the thoughts and focuses on his writing instead. 

At some point, about half-past nine, Zuko notices Sokka’s head start to bob as he fights off sleep.

Sokka’s protests are weak and Zuko once again makes him save his work, corralling him to bed. He plugs Sokka’s phone in, pretty much tucking the other man in. 

“You can stay,” Sokka mumbles sleepily, as Zuko goes to leave.

Zuko brushes a stray hair from Sokka’s forehead. He’s tired, too. But Zuko learned his lesson on Ember Island. He likes sleeping in the same bed as Sokka just a little  _ too _ much. Even if the offer is there, he needs to protect himself.

“Get some rest,” he says instead, making the lonely walk home braced against the October chill.

* * *

Zuko doesn’t  _ mind  _ Halloween, per se, but at the same time, spending his night in a dark, crowded bar isn’t exactly his idea of a good time, either. It’s a local's bar downtown, its patrons mostly in their mid-twenties to thirties and it’s known for being popular among the LGBTQ community in the city, though it’s not necessarily a gay bar. It  _ is _ , however, notorious for its Halloween party every year, which is why Zuko’s friends chose it.

Sokka isn’t even there yet, which doesn’t help his mood, either. Ty Lee, Mai, and some of their other friends had come to Zuko’s loft to pregame - a rare occurrence that they all jumped at - but Sokka and Suki had stopped by another friend’s party and were supposed to meet them at the bar after. 

Mai and Ty Lee look adorable as Velma and Daphne respectively. Zuko opted for simple, wearing a tight black tee and black skinnies that he knows Sokka loves with a cape and a mask covering the scarred half of his face. 

Okay so  _ technically _ it’s on the wrong side of his face. But Zuko truly doubts anyone in the bar is paying close enough attention to notice that his  _ Phantom of the Opera _ costume isn’t exactly accurate.

“The mask is on the wrong side,” a familiar voice says from behind him. 

Sokka sidles up next to him at the bar with a smirk.

“Is it?” Zuko asks, lifting up the mask to reveal his scar. He’s lowkey been waiting for someone to say that to him all night so he could do just this. Sokka bursts into laughter. Zuko appraises Sokka’s outfit. “Who the hell are you supposed to be anyway?”

Sokka’s hair is down and he’s wearing one of the white button-ups he normally saved for work with a blue vest over it. He was also wearing olive chinos and timberlands. He’d shaved his facial hair into a goatee. 

Zuko hates it. 

“I’m Flynn Rider from _Tangled_ , duh! Suki’s my Rapunzel! After the magical hair-cutting that is.” 

Sure enough, Suki is wearing a pink-and-purple skirt and top combo as well as a tiara. She has a frying pan in one hand (how the hell she’d gotten into the bar with  _ that _ was beyond Zuko) and a green little chameleon plushie perched on her shoulder.

Zuko has to admit, it’s a cute costume combination. He doesn’t want to think about the implications of Sokka and Suki basically wearing a  _ couple's costume  _ together for Halloween. So he doesn’t. Sokka isn’t his boyfriend, he could match with whoever he wanted to. It isn’t fair for Zuko to be jealous. Also, Suki is Zuko’s  _ friend _ he doesn’t want to be jealous of her over something that he knows is platonic.

He deflects instead.

“I hate that goatee,” he says. 

“Really? I was thinking of keeping it,” Sokka counters, just to be a little shit.

“As long as you have that goatee, you are not allowed to fuck me,” Zuko replies. It’s mostly a bluff.

“I was gonna shave it tonight anyway,” Sokka admits. “But you just gave me all the more reason to. What do you want to drink?”

“Surpirse me,” Zuko states.

Sokka, of course, gets the bartender's attention in little to no time and is handing a cup to Zuko that’s a bright red with two fake eyeballs and some maraschino cherries in it. Sokka’s drink is way less tacky and looks like something mixed with ginger ale.

Zuko takes a sip and is pleasantly surprised that it’s good, sweetened with grenadine so that the taste of alcohol barely comes through.

Sokka looks pleased. “You try to hide it but I  _ know _ you like fruity drinks.”

“Shut up.”

“Ain’t no shame in that,” Sokka offers. 

They make idle conversation, most of it spoken directly into each other's ears due to the noise level of the bar, and once he’s done with his drink, Zuko feels a surge of bravery.

“Wanna dance?” he asks Sokka.

The other man grins, finishing his drink as well in one chug, and taking Zuko’s hand.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Zuko drags Sokka through the throng of swaying bodies until he finds space for them, pulling Sokka close, Sokka’s back to his chest.

It’s funny, because of the two of them, Zuko’s the one with the judo and gymnastics backgrounds but he truly has very little rhythm. Sokka on the other hand, athletic as he may be, finds ways to trip on literal air sometimes, yet can move his hips in a way that really should be illegal. Zuko lets Sokka lead, and he follows, swaying and grinding to the beat of the music that’s pounding through the place.

Zuko truthfully wants nothing more than to drag Sokka out of there and just take him  _ home _ , or even kiss him right then and there in front of all those people, but eventually, they’re joined by the girls and so any ideas of kissing Sokka go out the window. 

To be fair, Ty Lee, Mai, and Suki are all dancing with one another in a way that Zuko does not want to look too deeply into. He’s honestly sure he could shove his whole tongue down Sokka’s throat at this point and they’d be none the wiser with the way they’re all plastered on each other.

Interesting.

Sometime later, Zuko’s at the bar, pleasantly buzzed but insisting to Sokka, who’s still on the dancefloor, that he’s bought Zuko enough drinks tonight, it’s Zuko’s turn now. He’s once again, failing to get the bartender’s attention when he feels someone looming in his personal space.

“I almost didn’t recognize you. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you here with  _ him _ ,” Jet states accusingly from over his shoulder.

Zuko turns his back to the bar in order to face the other man. Jet’s wearing a blue shirt and Ash Ketchum’s hat from Pokemon. There’s even a Pokeball attached to his belt. It’s a nice costume, but personally, Zuko thinks he resembles Gary Oak more. 

“Can we not do this, Jet? It’s been months,” Zuko sighs. He’s definitely a little tipsy and not in the mood for confrontation right now. He’d actually been having a fun night.

“I just need to know one thing, for my own sanity and closure. Did you leave him for me? Did you cheat on me with him?” Jet asks. 

He sounds more hurt than angry. Guilt settles a little in Zuko’s belly.

“No and  _ no _ Jet. It’s truly none of your business, but nothing ever happened between Sokka and me until after,” Zuko defends. “I told you that I ended things with you because it was just  _ too much.  _ You were so overbearing so soon in and you love-bombed the shit out of me. What we had, it wasn’t healthy, Jet.”

“You know what else wasn’t healthy? Me feeling second to your best friend all the time. I know I can be...intense. But I also felt like I was constantly having to fight for your attention and affection,” Jet states.

The guilt intensifies, twisting sickeningly in Zuko’s belly. Jet’s right. Zuko knows it, but he isn’t ready to admit that yet. 

“It’s not fair of you to expect me to give the guy I’ve been dating for a few months priority over my best friend of years,” he deflects instead.

“Maybe not. But it wouldn’t have bothered me so much if he weren’t so blatantly in love with you. And you with him,” Jet states. 

He’s half right.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Zuko denies, jaw set.

“Don’t you. Did you even like me, or was I just a distraction?”

“I liked you, Jet,” Zuko promises because it’s true. The “just not enough” goes unsaid. “I swear, I did. It’s just - ”

“Everything okay over here?” Sokka’s voice interrupts. 

Oh, spirits, sometimes the man had  _ awful  _ timing. 

Jet let out a disbelieving laugh at Sokka’s untimely appearance, rolling his eyes. 

“Everything’s fine,” Jet assures. “Just catching up.”

“Oh, really? Because Zuko looks pretty upset so I’m just wondering what ‘catching up’ entails,” Sokka argues.

“Sokka, enough,” Zuko interjects. The other man looks like he wants to continue, but nonetheless shuts his mouth begrudgingly. 

“I think I’ve seen enough,” Jet states, knowingly to Zuko. “I’ll see you around.”

He leaves the bar, meeting up with a guy with an interesting mustache-goatee combo going on wearing a yellow shirt and Pikachu ears. They leave holding hands. 

Zuko’s happy that Jet’s moved on. He deserves that.

Still, it makes him think, and spiral a little. Whether he meant to or not, what Jet said got under Zuko’s skin. Zuko really had been the asshole in their relationship and he has no one and nothing to blame but himself and his unrequited feelings for Sokka.

It makes him feel a little stupid if he’s being honest.

“You okay?” Sokka asks.

“Not really,” Zuko admits. 

“If he said anything, did anything...” Sokka warns.

“It’s not like that. He just said some things that got me thinking.”

“Wanna go outside and get some air?” Sokka offers.

Zuko shakes his head and replies quietly. “I think I just kinda want to leave now.”

“Okay, I’ll text Suki and we can - ”

“Alone,” Zuko states. 

Sokka’s face falls. Probably because he was banking on getting some from Zuko tonight and now that was clearly not happening. 

“At least let me pay for your uber, I don’t want you walking home alone” Sokka offers. He doesn’t sound upset or annoyed, just worried. Zuko’s place is barely a fifteen-minute walk from the bar, but an Uber is probably a good idea. Zuko’s still pretty buzzed, regardless of the sobering conversation with Jet. He’s not really in any state to be walking home alone right now.

“I can take care of myself,” Zuko states, stubbornly. 

“I know you can…” Sokka sighs. “Look. Just please let me know when you get home safe, okay?”

Zuko nods and Sokka steps out with him onto the outdoor patio area of the bar. Zuko requests an Uber and Sokka waits with him quietly. When Zuko’s car arrives, Sokka follows him to the curb and opens the door for him.

“You know, I’m always here for you right?” Sokka says. 

“I know. Thank you, Sokka,” Zuko shuts the door without another word. 

He tries to keep it together but he’s a little drunk and a lot emotional right now, so he’s not ashamed to admit a few errant tears escape his eyes in the back of that Uber.

It would’ve been fine if the thing between him and Sokka had only been hurting Zuko, but he realizes now what he did to Jet was selfish. All of it, for nothing. 

When he gets home, he rips his mask and cape off and collapses into bed. Druk joins him mewling in a way that seems concerned before curling up next to him.

Even with Druk’s low, comforting purr vibrating against him, Zuko doesn’t sleep much that night. He thinks he’s reached his breaking point.

He swears to himself he’ll have one last time, one last night with Sokka, and then he’ll end it.

Once and for all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taylor swift voice* i'm drunk in the back of the car & I cried like a baby coming home from the bar 
> 
> We still have two chapters left, next chapter is pretty much more clownery and more angst...but there might just be a light at the end of the tunnel 😉
> 
> -  
> some credits:  
> [e] there is so much in these end notes SORRY but I almost forgot to add shoutout to [this textpost](https://chaoticsuki.tumblr.com/post/630700896794312704/in-the-context-of-past-jetko-doesnt-it-make-more) on tumblr by chaoticsuki for pointing out that zuko was lowkey the trash ex 👀 and making me think about it in a way I never had. i love the boy but....they're right and they should say it. I'm also a firm believer that two people can sometimes bring out the toxicity/worst of their partner in a wrong relationship, no matter how great those two people are separately.
> 
> I was thinking to myself "suki would be a really cute post-haircut rapunzel" and then I saw [ this gorgeous fanart](https://bisexuallsokka.tumblr.com/post/631329646289502209/listen-i-didnt-want-to-have-to-do-this-but-you) of sokka as flynn rider and was like !!! and thus their "couples" costume was born.
> 
> while my original idea was to make Zuko Erik from Phantom of the Opera for Halloween, I also I literally agonized over Zuko's costume for a while, asked for tumblr's help, and in the end [ this exchange](https://khaleeseas.tumblr.com/post/632405382317359104) with saltytierra ([tumblr](https://salytierra.tumblr.com/) & [ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/salytierra/pseuds/salytierra)) so i'd like to thank them for their fun input that helped me in my final decision!


	4. if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in exciting news, the US has a new president! in less exciting news, this fic has a new chapter!
> 
> not me using another tswift song as a chapter title 👀 song is "[the 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsZ6tROaVOQ&ab_channel=TaylorSwiftVEVO)"

After Halloween, the rift between them feels like an endless void. 

It’s not the same radio silence as before, like after Ember Island. Sokka texts him almost first thing the morning after Halloween to make sure he’s okay. Zuko assures him that he is, but still denies Sokka’s offer to get brunch at their diner. 

Honestly, it only makes Zuko feel even worse because he knows he wasn’t fair to Sokka last night. Something that Sokka had proved over and over again was that he was Zuko’s best friend over anything else. In retrospect, Zuko would take it all back if he meant he could have his easy relationship with Sokka back. He’d take being just his best friend again over this weird purgatory they were in. He wonders if it’s possible, if that’s even an option for them. Maybe. But it would take some time and some space from one another.

Still, after that exchange, he feels Sokka pull away some. Or maybe not so much as pull _ away  _ as it seems he’s trying to give Zuko some space. Zuko’s thankful for it. He knows Sokka is busy with work and Zuko himself is coming down to the wire on finishing his book before his editor puts it through for its final editing and review process. Neither of them can afford the distraction right now.

They still text and talk but they’re frankly too busy to meet up. They don’t have sex or even sext as they have in the past when the other parts of their lives had taken over and they weren’t able to see each other in person. Zuko thinks, once again, foolishly, that maybe the spirits are being kind to him and that maybe this thing is dying off on its own. He is,  _ once again _ , wrong.

**Sokka:** guess who is officially finished with both of his hellish r+d projects!! 

**Zuko:** Congrats! Does this mean you’ll finally be a functioning human being again?

**Sokka:** i don’t know about functioning. but i DID eat breakfast and lunch AND shower today

**Zuko** : A real model citizen

**Zuko:** But really though. Proud of you

**Sokka:** thank you :) i was thinking of getting some thai from ziree’s if you wanna help me celebrate.

Zuko heaves a breath.  _ One last time _ he promises himself. 

**Zuko:** Or I could come over and we can ~celebrate~ and then get thai food.

**Zuko:** You know. Work up an appetite

**Sokka:** i like the way your brain works

**Sokka:** come over whenever! I’m on my way home from work now. i’m just gonna shower real quick first

**Zuko:** Cool. I’ll be over in 30

**Sokka:** perfect!

One last time.

* * *

Sokka greets him at the door in an old t-shirt and sweats. His hair is down around his face and still a little damp from his shower and there’s a sleepy set to his eyes that speaks of all the hard work he’s been putting in the last few weeks.

He looks so soft and content and Zuko just loves this man. So much that it  _ hurts _ . 

Sokka pulls him into a kiss at the door. It’s slow and unhurried and so goddamn tender it makes Zuko feel raw. He isn’t sure he can handle tender right now.

Zuko tries to throw him off course by pulling him into a heated, demanding kiss instead, teeth clashing. He wants it hard and fast and angry, but Sokka doesn’t give him that. Instead, he takes his time, taking control of the kiss and softening it. He then closes the door gently, leading Zuko further into his place as they kiss by the small of his back.

He guides Zuko down onto his sectional and climbs into his lap, then continues to kiss Zuko like he’s in no rush whatsoever. No matter how hard Zuko tries to change the pace, Sokka doesn’t let him, and Zuko eventually gives in, relaxing back into the couch and allowing the languid kissing to go on. 

Sokka finally gets Zuko’s shirt off and then kisses what feels like every inch of Zuko’s body that he can reach. He runs his hands over the planes of his muscles, slow and gentle, almost reverent, grinding down slowly onto Zuko’s lap. 

He’s not sure how long they neck on the couch like teenagers for but, eventually, Sokka guides Zuko’s hand down the back of his sweats. Zuko gasps into his mouth when his hands wander further and he grazes the edge of a plug. 

“Sokka...fuck,” he moans.

“I fingered myself in the shower while thinking of you,” Sokka divulges. “Then I put the plug in. So that when you got here, you could fuck me,” Sokka intones, voice dropping.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Zuko says and it comes out strangled.

The quickest part of the evening is the time it takes them from there to get the rest of their clothes off and before he knows it, Zuko has a lapful of naked Sokka.

The other man pauses briefly, moving the decorative pillow to Zuko’s right to reveal Sokka’s mini tube of lube and a small strip of condoms. 

Zuko huffs out a laugh in disbelief.

“You totally planned this all the way through, huh?” Zuko asks, and it’s just all so endearingly  _ Sokka. _

“I did,” Sokka admits, then gets back to kissing Zuko like his life depends on it.

Zuko hears a soft thud and breaks away momentarily to see the plug has been carelessly tossed on the couch.

“Ew,” He mutters without heat.

“I’ll clean it later,” Sokka promises, handing Zuko a condom as he raises up a little from Zuko’s lap, slicking up his own fingers and reaching behind himself. 

Zuko rolls the condom on quickly and eagerly, drizzling more lube on himself and pumping his dick a few times while he watches Sokka’s face.

Sokka must decide he’s ready because he shuffles forward, taking Zuko’s hand off of his dick and sinking down slowly onto it instead. He’s hot and tight and Zuko’s going to have to really focus or this is all going to be over far too soon.

They don’t switch up like this often, but even when they do, Sokka always finds a way to take control of the pace and tempo, so Zuko’s all too happy to lean back into the couch and watch Sokka get to work.

He takes the opportunity to run his hands all over Sokka’s warm, dark skin as the other man begins to roll his hips. Sokka alternates between making eye contact and kissing Zuko while he rides him, slow and sinuous. Every time Sokka pulls back to look into his eyes Zuko feels it like a punch to his gut. 

He realizes, as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, that it feels like they’re making love, not just fucking, not just having sex. Zuko’s sure this will hurt later, once it’s all over, but he pushes that thought from his mind 

Eventually, Sokka picks up the pace, growing desperate to come. He’s bouncing determinedly in Zuko’s lap head thrown back and Zuko takes the opportunity to latch onto Sokka’s exposed throat as he starts to meet Sokka, thrust for thrust.

“Oh, yeah, that’s so good,” Sokka encourages bringing one of his hands down to his own dick. “I love yo - love your dick,” Sokka pants, and Zuko’s heart stutters thinking Sokka was about to say  _ I love you.  _ And for all that it started slow, it’s over fairly quickly after that. 

They rest there on Sokka’s couch for an interminable amount of time after, foreheads pressed together and breathing into each other’s space. Sokka kisses him tenderly once they’ve caught their breath and they make out lazily for some time before Sokka’s stomach starts to growl.

It makes them both laugh. They get up from the couch, groaning at the stiffness in both their bodies and shower before heading to Ziree’s.

She greets them enthusiastically and they order their usual and then some, bringing their leftovers back to Sokka’s. They continue their watch of Schitt’s Creek, and Zuko is so carb overloaded from all the Thai, he nearly falls asleep on Sokka’s couch.

Sokka ruffles his hair. 

“Hey, sleepyhead,” He says. “Want me to drive you home or are you actually exhausted enough to accept my offer to stay the night for once?”

If he’s going down, he may as well enjoy the ride.

“I’ll stay the night...if that’s okay with you?”

He hears Sokka pause. “...yeah?”

“Yeah,” Zuko agrees. 

Getting ready for bed together is reminiscent of those easy few days on Ember Island. It’s a painful reminder to Zuko of everything they could be. Instead of hyper-focusing on that for once, Zuko allows himself to just be in the moment and enjoy falling asleep with Sokka in his arms just one more time. 

* * *

“Should I feel honored that you stayed over last night?” Sokka teases with a grin the next morning.

He’s making eggs while Zuko sits at his bar, drinking coffee. Sokka had woken him up with his mouth on Zuko’s dick that morning. It had almost,  _ almost _ , broken Zuko’s resolve. He doesn’t know if he has the courage or strength to do this in person. Not with Sokka half-dressed and looking at him like  _ that _ across his kitchen on a cozy Saturday morning.

“You know,” Zuko grumbles instead, “I miss when you weren’t a morning person.”

“Being a real life adult with a big-boy job seems to have caught up with me,” Sokka shrugs. “Oh! Speaking of which, I’m going on a business trip to Caldera next week. We’ll be there for over a week so I wanted to see if you maybe wanted to join me for part of that? I know it’s your hometown and  _ also _ they’re putting us up in this super nice resort. We’ll be there over the weekend and I won’t have to work so I was thinking it could be fun.”

It’s weird and looking back, Zuko will never be able to explain why, but that the offer of that trip is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

“Sokka...I can’t.”

“Oh,” Sokka says, face falling a little bit before he quickly hides it. “No, of course, I totally get it. It’s kinda last minute of me to ask and - ”

“Sokka…” Zuko says again. Going on trips together, just the two of them, taking Zuko along on a business trip, that was more than he could handle. He’d promised himself that this was the last time and he’d meant it. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

The shock on Sokka’s face is evident. 

“Do this…?” he asks slowly.

“Hookup,” Zuko clarifies. “I think we should stop hooking up.”

“Did I do something you didn’t like? Did I hurt you?” Sokka asks immediately, looking like he’s going to be sick.

_ Not in the way you’re thinking. _

“No, no. Of course not. You know I would have said something,” Zuko assures him. “I just think this thing between us has run its course.”

“Run its course,” Sokka repeats, furrowing his brow like the words are some code he can crack.

“Yeah,” is all Zuko can say. “I’m sorry, Sokka.”

“Don’t apologize,” Sokka says. But he doesn’t fight it. Doesn’t ask for more clarification, doesn’t ask Zuko to stay. He just stands there, across the bar looking at Zuko blankly. 

He knows it’s not fair of him, but he wants Sokka to fight it. He wants him to demand answers. He wants this thing between the two of them to be worth fighting for. 

“I should go,” Zuko sighs. He doesn’t know what he expected. For Sokka to confess his undying love for him? For him to ask Zuko to be his boyfriend right there on the spot? Maybe not, but he’d at the very least expected him to ask Zuko  _ why _ not just stand there and look at him blankly. 

He grabs his keys and goes to leave but pauses at Sokka’s door. He turns around and the other man is still rooted to the spot, staring at Zuko with a furrow in his brow.

“We’re gonna be okay, right?” Zuko asks. He knows things will be weird for a bit. He knows their friendship may never recover to what it once was. But he also knows he doesn’t want to live in a world where Sokka isn’t in his life.

“Yeah,” is all Sokka manages to say back, his eyes far away. 

Zuko leaves, walking home from Sokka’s one last time. 

When he gets back to his loft he dives straight into bed for a good cry.

* * *

Part of Zuko wants to wallow. He fucking  _ misses _ Sokka. He misses getting texts from him about the weird people he works with in R&D. He misses the dumb memes that Sokka would flood his DMs with. He missed the way it felt to be in Sokka’s presence. Electric and exciting, yet somehow comfortable at the same time.

But he’s a big boy and he has a goddamn novel to finish. 

In his pettier moments, he briefly considers letting his grief over the end of his relationship with Sokka bleed into his writing, but instead, he decides if he can’t have his ideal, happy ending he’ll just give it to his characters instead. 

Still, he ends up replaying Taylor Swift’s  _ folklore _ album so many times, he’s almost certain he’s going to get an email from Spotify asking if he’s doing okay. He then transitions into some of her earlier albums and the amount of judgment Druk gives him on his seventh listen of “All Too Well” is palpable. 

He mutes Sokka on social media because he doesn’t want to unfollow him but he also doesn’t want to see him at the top of his feed every day while the hurt is still so fresh. It doesn’t mean that he still doesn’t just go directly to Sokka’s page instead to watch his stories. He watches Sokka’s videos and pictures of his time in Caldera and it makes Zuko feel all weird and achy inside. It’s strange to see Sokka in Zuko’s home city without him. 

He gets his shit together enough to finish his book and it’s truly a strange feeling to be done, not only with the book but with the series he’d spent his entire twenties writing. He’d had the conversation with his agent recently about whether or not to continue to remain anonymous after the last one is published or if he should reveal himself as the writer and go on tour for the series. At the very least, he decides, he’s going to tell his friends. He briefly wonders how Sokka would react, knowing they’re Zuko’s books. He wonders if he’ll even  _ want  _ to read the final one. 

When they drop the book’s release date, four months from now, his fanbase on the internet goes  _ wild _ . There are even talks from his agent of networks reaching out to her, wanting to potentially make the books into a TV show. It’s equally overwhelming and exciting, but he wants to wait on anything like that for some time. The third book isn’t even in production, hell they haven’t even chosen the final cover art yet, they can talk about TV deals later. 

He’s been glad for the distraction over the last two weeks.

He knows Sokka’s back in town but they haven’t spoken once since he’d left Sokka’s place that morning. He knows communication is a two-way street but he’s actually glad for the space so that he can have some time to sort through his feelings. The pathetic thing is that no matter how busy he is, he still thinks of Sokka every day. Sometimes it’s  _ all _ day, every day. 

He knows this one will take a long time to heal and that revolving his thoughts around Sokka will just slow that process. Still, he wonders what Sokka’s been up to. How his trip went. How work is going. If he’s taking care of himself. 

He mostly wonders if he misses Zuko the way that Zuko misses him.

* * *

“Okay. But did you tell him how you feel?” Mai asks, and there’s a little touch of judgment in her voice.

She’s sprawled out on his favorite couch and Druk, the traitor, is laying on her belly purring happily and acting like Zuko doesn’t exist to him.

He’d originally invited Mai over to hang out as well as to break the news to her that he was an undercover best-selling author. That news has barely shocked her. She seemed more interested in knowing what the hell was going on between him and Sokka because their friends had noticed  _ something _ both at Ember Island and on Halloween. The fact that they’d both been hanging out with the girls separately only raised their suspicions more.

So Zuko had finally broken down and explained the entire Sokka-and-Zuko-destroy-their-friendship-by-being-fuckbuddies saga to her. The only part about the entire story that Mai had raised any judgment on was the fact that Zuko never told Sokka how he feels.

“I don’t see why it matters. It’s over, Mai,” Zuko shakes his head. “What is it that those love and relationship podcasts you guys always listen to it say? That if a man likes you he’ll make it pretty damn obvious? Well, it’s pretty obvious that Sokka only ever loved me as his friend.”

Mai rolls her eyes.

“Were  _ you  _ ‘pretty damn obvious’ about how you felt?” Mai challenges. “You do realize when the two of you started this, you were fresh out of a breakup. Maybe Sokka was just trying to give you some time and not immediately overwhelm you.”

He’d never thought of it like that.

“You’re not always easy to read, Zuko,” Mai continues. “Even to those of us who’ve known you for a while. It sounds to me like you kept your emotions pretty close to your chest this whole time. Maybe he was waiting on some sign from you that you were ready. Did you ever think about that?”

“No,” Zuko admits. And she was right. Zuko sometimes felt like he was seeping his emotions all over the place, but he guessed it wasn’t always the case. He’d been so careful trying not to let his feelings show through, maybe Sokka had no idea how he felt. 

“But...when I ended it, he didn’t even try to stop me,” Zuko argues. “I may have been the one to walk out of there, but he didn’t stop me.”

“Maybe that’s what he thought you wanted. Maybe he was trying to respect your boundaries. Listen...you didn’t hear this from me, but he looks as bad as you do,” she offers.

Zuko sputters, “I do  _ not _ look bad! ...do I?”

“You kind of do. Maybe not to the people who don’t know you well, but your smiles don’t reach your eyes lately. That’s always how I know you’re not doing as well as you say.”

Damn Mai her and terrifying perceptiveness. 

“Listen, Zuko. I love you and I’m always here for you and willing to listen to you if you need to talk, but I’m not gonna sit here and hold your hand through this. It’s something you’ve got to figure out on your own.”

“I know it is,” Zuko sighs. “Thank you, though for listening and for always telling it like it is, even when I don’t wanna hear it.”

“You’re welcome. Now here’s my last piece of advice that you don’t want to hear; I think you need to talk to each other, face to face, and not sweep it under the rug,” Mai says. “This is _ Sokka _ we’re talking about, Zuko. Above all else, he’s your friend and he cares about you, deeply. And you need an answer one way or another, otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering.”

He ponders that for a bit. Closure would be nice. Maybe if they talk this out, figure out what went wrong, regardless of whether his feelings are reciprocated or not, they could move forward. 

“You’re right,” Zuko admits. “About everything.”

“I know I am. Also, you’re totally paying for our UberEats because one, I just gave you a free therapy session, and two I just found out you’re a  _ bestselling author _ . I think you can afford it,” Mai hands him his phone, with her order already put in then takes the remote to his TV to load up Netflix.

He supposes he can’t really argue with  _ that _ .

* * *

His meeting with his agent and the publishers went really well. They chose a final cover design and everything was on track for the third and final book of his series to be published by early spring. It’s good and it’s exciting and it feels like all his hard work has paid off. It also feels like Zuko’s finally getting a break. It’s been three weeks and five days since he and Sokka last spoke - no like Zuko’s counting - and he thinks it’s starting to hurt a little less.

Kind of. 

His mind wanders back to his conversation with Mai the other day. Zuko thinks - not for the first time - about texting Sokka and asking him if they can talk. He’s over missing him and he’s over their awful communication that led to this whole mess. He’s brainstorming how to go about it, what to even say, as he gets out of the elevator on his floor and walks down the hall toward his loft.

A figure, curled in on themself and sitting to the right of his door, stops him in his tracks.

Zuko freezes, only for a moment, before he realizes who it is. As pathetic as it is, he’d recognize the man anywhere. Sokka must hear him approach because he lifts his head where it’s buried in his arms and looks up at Zuko. 

His eyes are red and a little puffy, like he’s been crying, and he looks like shit. The bags under his eyes are deeper and darker than even the ones from when he’d been slammed with two fresh works projects and had barely slept.

The part of Zuko that’s still in love with him  _ aches  _ to see Sokka like this, all he wants to do is wrap him up and kiss him and make sure he never looks this sad again.

The rational part of his brain reminds him that before any of that can happen, they need to sit down and communicate like adults.

It seems like time pauses, the tension between them palpable, before Sokka finally speaks, voice rough.

“Can we talk?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: they talk!!! they communicate like adults! like actual full-grown human men! and then there very well may be that happy ending I promised you. healthy communication? in my angst fic? it's more likely than you'd think
> 
> see you guys then!


	5. nobody compares to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE WAIT. this is the longest break between chapters in the entire fic and of course it’s for the last chapter after THAT cliffhanger so...sorry yall 😅
> 
> This chapter’s title song is [ “nobody compares to you”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRG_5SQVARc&ab_channel=GryffinVEVO) by gryffin + katie pearlman. This has been one of my favorites for a LONG time. I love the juxtaposition of the upbeat/hopeful music to the lyrics which are super pine-y. I always thought it would be a perfect song for that part of a movie / show where the main couple finally gets their shit together so...here we are!
> 
> (runner up to this song was [“i wish you would”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7cmcA6bULY&ab_channel=TaylorSwift-Topic) by taylor swift bc for some reason tswift and zukka just ...FIT)
> 
> anyway here's that happy ending I promised all of you ❤️ hope you enjoy!!

“Can we talk?” Sokka asks, voice breaking. 

Mai’s words echo back to him. _He looks as bad as you do._

“Yes. _Of course,_ we can talk Sokka,” Zuko replies. He reaches out to help Sokka off the floor but aborts his movements, unsure if Sokka will want him to even touch him right now. 

How bad had things gotten between them that Sokka didn’t even think Zuko would want to talk? Zuko wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to that question.

He unlocks his door as Sokka rises from the ground. The other man follows Zuko quietly into his loft. Sokka’s been here quite a few times back before they’d started sleeping together but he hasn’t been inside Zuko’s loft since. It hasn’t changed much.

Druk immediately runs over to greet both of them, purring happily and winding himself through Sokka’s legs. Sokka kneels down to scritch behind Druk’s ear, murmuring hello to him and Zuko has to busy himself in the kitchen or he’s going to fall to his knees right there and confess his love to the man. 

“Do you want anything to drink? Water? Beer?” Zuko offers.

“Just water is fine,” Sokka states.

Zuko kind of wishes he’d opted for beer, he personally would prefer alcohol to help him get through this conversation.

When he comes back around, Sokka is sitting in the very spot Mai had sat just days ago. Instead of sprawled across the couch, Sokka sits at the edge of it, rigid. Even Druk leaping up on the couch next to him, butting his head against Sokka’s arm, doesn’t relax him.

Zuko hands Sokka the glass of water then sits a respectable distance away. Now that they were finally here, where did they even start?

“I don’t even know where to start,” Sokka says, mirroring Zuko’s thoughts. “So I guess I’ll start at the beginning.”

Zuko settles in, letting Sokka take the floor. 

“When we started this...I was thinking, _hoping_ it was going to be something more than what it was,” Sokka admits. “But I was trying to be careful. Because you’d just broken up with Jet and I really, truly should have waited to make my move, looking back. At the start, both times when I asked you to stay over, it’s because I wanted it to mean more. Then you said all that stuff about how he was too much, How he wanted too much from you too fast and I realized I was doing the same, at least mentally. I didn’t want to overwhelm you and then lose you, too.

“So, I thought maybe, just maybe if I made the sex great, you’d keep coming back to me and then you’d realize, somewhere down the line, that we were compatible in every other way too, not just in the bedroom. But as time went on, I realized I was wrong. 

“So instead, I tried so hard to be what you wanted, what you needed,” Sokka says, voice breaking. “I know you don’t feel like _that_ about me and that’s _fine_ . But you’d been weird for the last few weeks of our... _thing_ and then you just stopped talking to me all of a sudden and I don’t know what I did or what to do. I don’t know if my feelings finally scared you away or if you just got tired of me but I’m literally going insane here, Zuko, and all I want is some answers. And then I swear I’ll leave you alone.”

Zuko feels his entire world come to a screeching halt as Sokka’s words sink in. Sokka’s had feelings for him this whole time? It’s not possible. It doesn’t make _sense_.

“It doesn’t make sense,” Zuko whispers. At Sokka’s confused expression, he elaborates, “you having feelings for me. It doesn’t make sense...you never said...I thought…”

Sokka shrugs, “I kind of got the picture after the first few times when you didn’t want to stay the night with me. And then again when you only ever wanted to see me when it involved sex. That one time, at the beginning...I really was just trying to make you dinner. I wanted to talk things out. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to date me. But you thought I was only booty calling you and then I thought that’s what _you_ wanted so I played along”

Zuko feels like the universe is playing some huge, cosmic joke on him because there’s no way this is real life right now. There is _no_ way Sokka has felt the same way about him the whole time. If it weren’t so depressing and frustrating, it would be straight-up hilarious.

“Part of the basis for my break up with Jet was for those reasons, but the biggest component in me ending my relationship with Jet was for the simple fact that he wasn’t you,” Zuko says. If Sokka’s laying it all out on the line, he should too. 

Sokka doesn’t reply, just stares at Zuko like he’s grown a second head, so Zuko continues.

“A lot of what I did, I did to protect myself. I have a hard time being vulnerable and I’d rather play along and pretend that nothing hurts me or that I don’t care because it’s easier to hide when other people hurt me. So I pushed you away at every turn out of fear of rejection. I thought it wouldn’t matter, that it wouldn’t hurt you, because I thought there was no way in hell you had feelings for me, too.”

“I thought I was being so obvious. Like _so_ embarrassingly obvious,” Sokka replies. “You know what’s dumb? Every time I traveled for work, I always wished you were with me. Everything made me think of you and it made me want you there with me so we could be exploring all these places together. It’s why I asked you to come to Caldera with me. I told myself I was going to use that trip to tell you how I felt. I wanted to take you to some overpriced restaurant on the bay and drink enough red wine to have the courage to do what I should’ve done months ago. But obviously, that didn’t work out the way I planned.”

It comes off self-deprecating and not accusatory. And _damn_ does it make Zuko want to kick himself, partially for being such a dick that morning but also because he could’ve been at some nice-ass resort with Sokka, getting laid and coming out of it with Sokka as his boyfriend. 

“You should have stopped me. I would have let you,” Zuko admits,

“I was trying to give you space and respect your boundaries,” Sokka shakes his head. “And I was also mostly in shock. I thought _maybe._ Maybe things were changing between us for good this time. And then you ended it after you stayed the night for the very first time while I was standing there in my kitchen making you breakfast. After I’d just asked to come on a business trip with me.”

“Yeah, that was kind of dickish of me,” Zuko winces. 

“Just a little,” Sokka agrees, but again, there’s no accusation in the other man’s voice.

“To be fair it was because if I hadn't walked away right then and there I was afraid I’d keep coming back and, in my mind, hurting myself over and over and over again. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I want you to understand. I was trying to protect myself and by doing so I ended up hurting you. I never meant to hurt you. And I’m so, _so_ sorry, Sokka,” Zuko says, voice thick. “You’re my best friend and I should have treated you better.”

“Before anything, before the sex and before we mucked this whole thing up between us, you were - _are_ \- my best friend, too. I’m just as much at fault here, and I never meant to hurt you either,” Sokka whispers. 

Zuko inches closer to Sokka on the couch, unable to be so far from him for any longer.

“It wasn’t intentional, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still hurt you and that I’m more sorry than you can ever know for that,” Zuko says. “I promise. I’ll do everything in my power to never do that to you again.” 

“I’m sorry, too, and I promise the same,” Sokka swears. “We really messed this up, didn’t we?”

“Just a little,” Zuko agrees. “But, Sokka…” Zuko trails off, willing himself to be brave. “You have to know. I love you. I’ve always loved you. For so long now it feels like loving you is a part of me. I know we screwed this up the first time around, but I think if we do this right we could make things work between us. I think we could be something amazing.”

Sokka blinks at him, face shifting through a multitude of complicated expressions before he’s scooting as close as possible and pulling Zuko into a kiss that’s somehow both fierce and tender. He pulls back almost abruptly, though.

“I’m sorry! We’re supposed to be talking!” Sokka sputters. “But also you just said you love me, how can _not_ kiss you, Zuko? Holy spirits. I love you, too. You know that, right? I need you to know that.”

“I do now,” Zuko says. Sokka’s eyes are a little shiny and he smiles at Zuko so huge and bright and brilliant that Zuko feels the entirety of the emotions stirring up inside him bubble up and pour over until he feels a warm, wet tear slide down his cheek. 

Sokka takes his face in both hands, kissing the tear off of Zuko’s cheek, whispering, “I should have told you sooner.”

“I should have told you, too,” Zuko admits. 

“How do you think we move forward?” Sokka asks. 

“By promising to communicate and be honest with each other,” Zuko begins. “I’ll start that by saying that I’m done dancing around each other and I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Sokka says, linking their hands. Then hesitates slightly. “I do think we should take it slow at first.”

“I agree,” Zuko nods.

“I also think we shouldn’t have sex again until we have a more solid footing under us,” Sokka admits.

Zuko, unfortunately, agrees. But he also misses Sokka’s dick,

“I miss your dick,” he says, glumly. “But I think it’s for the best, too.” 

“My dick misses you,” Sokka says playfully, making a lascivious face. And _there_ was the Sokka that Zuko knew. “But, okay. Glad we’re on the same page. Should we set a three-date minimum? A time limit?”

“How about when we feel the time is right?” Zuko offers. “When it feels like we’ve built a good foundation and are solid enough to take it to the next level again?”

“That sounds fair to me. So, boyfriends?” Sokka asks.

“Boyfriends,” Zuko confirms. “Now we just need to figure out our first real date.”

“How about you come over tomorrow night and I’ll make you that dinner I promised you all those months ago?” Sokka offers. 

“It’s a date,” Zuko confirms, pulling him in for another kiss.

* * *

Zuko’s standing at Sokka’s door, palms sweating and holding a quaint bouquet of Fire Lilies. He isn’t sure how Sokka will react to them, but when Sokka had been in Caldera while they weren’t speaking, he’d posted a picture of Fire Lilies on his story, gushing about how pretty they were. Zuko supposes it’s worth a shot. 

He really shouldn’t be nervous. This is  _ Sokka,  _ after all. But still, they had a lot to work through, and just because they love each other doesn’t necessarily mean things were going to work out between them.

Sokka flings the door open, a bright smile on his face and a dishtowel slung over his shoulder and all of Zuko’s fears immediately melt away. Sokka pulls him in for a sweet kiss with a murmured “hi.”

He takes in the flowers, cooing over them, thanking Zuko with another kiss, then directs him toward his kitchen table. Zuko realizes they’ve never actually sat to eat at Sokka’s table before. They’d always eaten on the couch or in bed or occasionally at Sokka’s bar. The table is set with two places, catty-corner to each other, and there’s a candle burning in the center. To be fair, it’s one of Sokka’s scented candles from his apartment but it’s still incredibly sweet nonetheless. Sokka’s place is pretty open-concept, so he can see into the kitchen from where he sits. Sokka’s plating up the food. The flowers have been put in a mason jar filled with water on Sokka’s bar.

There are two glasses of red wine (Zuko peeks at the bottle and it’s his favorite). He takes a sip as Sokka brings their plates out. The dinner’s pretty simple and a Sokka standard. A chicken breast that looks well seasoned and juicy, roasted veggies, and some wild rice. It smells delicious. He tells Sokka as much and the other man looks very pleased with himself as he sits down. He holds his wine glass up and Zuko does the same.

“To finally figuring our shit out and communicating like adults,” Sokka says.

“To never having anything close to that bad of a miscommunication  _ ever _ again,” Zuko adds and Sokka laughs. 

They clink their glasses and take a drink, then Sokka is pulling him in for a chaste kiss. Things fall into place quickly after that and it’s easy in the way Zuko always knew it could be. They drink and eat and talk and end up on the couch snuggled together watching Netflix. It almost doesn’t feel real to Zuko because it’s everything he’d fantasized it could be, yet somehow better. It’s so easy in the way he always knew it could be. Being with Sokka feels like home.

“You wanna stay?” Sokka offers after Zuko yawns rather dramatically a few episodes in and Zuko raises a brow at him.

“What about our no-sex agreement?” He asks.

“Maybe I just want to have a non-platonic yet non-sexual sleepover with you,” Sokka offers. “One that I can actually enjoy where I’m not pining sadly over you.”

Zuko laughs. “Then I’d love to stay.”

He gets to sleep in Sokka’s clothes, which are just a little too big on him, and Sokka pulls a new toothbrush out from under the sink, handing it to Zuko. It feels huge in a way he can’t describe or put into words so instead, he stands at Sokka’s double vanity with him, both of them trying and failing not to grin around their toothbrushes.

Sokka gives him a sweet, minty kiss good night and Zuko manages to behave himself, even with the temptation of a very shirtless Sokka who is now officially his  _ boyfriend _ lying next to him in bed.

They wake up fairly early the next morning and head to their diner for breakfast. And Zuko is  _ trying,  _ okay? He’s really trying to be respectful but Sokka’s hair is down and he keeps looking at Zuko  _ like that _ and then grinning at him over his steaming mug of coffee like he knows exactly what he’s doing. They’ve barely finished their meal, plates taken, and check on the way when Zuko breaks.

“Listen. I know it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since our first date so tell me if I’m being too presumptuous or making you uncomfortable or  _ totally _ crossing the line here but I really just want to jump your bones right now,” Zuko admits.

“Oh thank the spirits. I was trying to be, like, honorable? When I said we shouldn’t immediately have sex but I really have been wanting to get my hands on you this whole time.”

“Fuck honorable,” Zuko breathes. “Okay. I would ask your place or mine, but I  _ do _ need to feed my cat breakfast at some point so - ”

“Yours it is,” Sokka agrees.

Zuko throws down enough cash to cover the bill  _ and _ to leave a rather generous tip and they all but run out of the diner, hand-in-hand. Sokka laughs as they stumble out onto the sidewalk and pulls Zuko into a kiss before Zuko’s leading Sokka to his place.

Druk is happy to see them both after being alone all night, so Zuko feels a little guilty about the fact that he’s about to feed him and then immediately shut him out of the bedroom, so he adds a little bit of extra wet food to his bowl to make up for it. 

His guilt completely dissipates when Sokka pulls him into his bedroom, hands snaked under his shirt and gripping Zuko’s hips. He seems inclined, once again, to take his sweet time with Zuko, no matter how much Zuko begs him to do otherwise. 

Zuko’s already come once, thanks to Sokka’s talented mouth, by the time Sokka slides into him. He’s somehow already achingly hard again, something he attributes to the fact that Sokka took his sweet time opening him up. Sokka’s thrusting into him, slow but forceful and it’s overwhelming and too much yet somehow not  _ quite _ enough.

“Look at me,” Sokka demands and Zuko does, opening his eyes from where they’d been closed in pleasure to meet the deep blue of Sokka’s own.

“So pretty,” Sokka murmurs, tracing his fingers over Zuko’s scar and thumbing over his lip. Zuko takes the opportunity to open his mouth, sucking on the tip of Sokka’s thumb. Sokka curses and starts to pick up the pace. 

“Fuck, baby, look at you,” Sokka says, then replaces his thumb with his own mouth, slipping his tongue in and kissing Zuko filthily.

“Please, Sokka,” he begs, not sure how much more of it he can take. Sokka seems to be thinking along the same lines because he sits back on his heels, taking Zuko in hand as he picks up the speed of his thrusts. Zuko’s babbling now, he’s not sure what’s coming out of his mouth but he knows it’s a string of Sokka’s name mixed with desperate pleas. 

“Spirits, Zuko, I love you,” Sokka moans and it is a little embarrassing that hearing Sokka say those words to him, so easy and carefree, is what tips Zuko over. Sokka continues his stream of love declarations and compliments as Zuko comes and then it isn’t much longer before he’s shaking in Zuko’s arms, following him over the edge. 

They’re catching their breath as an incessant noise starts at the door that Zuko  _ knows  _ is Druk scratching at the wood to be let in. 

“What a perv,” Sokka teases. “You think he was listening? Think he’ll  _ actually _ call the cops on us?” Sokka waggles his brow. 

“You’re  _ gross, _ ” Zuko complains, fondly. “He’s just pissed because I left him alone all night and then immediately ignored him for spirits knew how long as soon as I came home.”

“Mmkay, so let’s clean up a little and then nap and we’ll ask for your cat’s forgiveness by inviting him in to nap with us,” Sokka offers. 

“Sounds like an ideal late Sunday morning to me,” Zuko agrees, then tugs Sokka in for another kiss. “By the way. I love you, too.”

“I know,” Sokka says cockily.

Zuko swats Sokka’s ass playfully in retaliation on his way to Zuko’s ensuite which makes the other man squawk indignantly. The noise makes Zuko laugh so hard he’s a little out of breath as he opens the door to let Druk into the room. Even the judgemental look his cat shoots him as he saunters into the bedroom can’t dampen Zuko’s mood. If anything, it makes him laugh all that much harder. 

* * *

They tell their friends, officially, about a month or so into their relationship. Suki already knows - as Zuko expected - as does Mai, seeing as she was the first one he’d called after Sokka had left his apartment after that fateful day. They were to remain the only other ones to know the (almost)  _ full _ extent of the Sokka-and-Zuko story.

Ty Lee had squealed in excitement and Toph had punched both of their shoulders in congratulations before pulling them into a very rare hug. They FaceTime Aang and Katara who are just as excited for them as their other friends. Aang definitely looks like he’s tearing up a little and Katara mutters “finally” but looks infinitely pleased for them. Zuko  _ does _ receive a text later that night from Katara that says “I mean this with all the love in my heart but hurt my brother and I’ll hurt you” with a heart emoji at the end. It’s followed by another text that says “And if Sokka hurts YOU let me know because you’re my friend too.” In Zuko’s eyes, that’s a stamp of approval from Katara.

Things weren’t perfect, of course. Zuko knew it would take some time for them to break out the mindsets they’d each had previously regarding their relationship, as well as to bury their old fears, but they were working on it. They were also working on improving their communication and being more open with their respective emotions and with each other. It was, admittedly, hard for both of them. They had no problem saying “I love you” or expressing their affections, but each of them still struggles with verbalizing their negative emotions. Sokka tends to deflect with humor, Zuko just buries it until he snaps. Still, they’re making the effort and getting better at it every single day and that’s what’s important. 

It’s by far the healthiest relationship Zuko’s ever had. They still bicker and there are definitely disagreements, but with their mutual promises to talk to one another, even about the hard stuff, most of their disagreements are sorted through by communicating openly with one another.

Who would’ve thought?

It’s a love Zuko never thought he’d get to have and he’s grateful for it, and for Sokka, every day.

* * *

“So, since I’m your boyfriend now, does that mean I get a free signed copy of your last book?” Sokka asks Zuko casually one night while they relax together before bed. Druk is curled up in the space between their legs and Sokka’s rendering some model or something like that on his tablet while Zuko is on his own, brainstorming ideas for his next novel. 

“M-my wha - ?” Zuko sputters.

“I mean I was planning on buying at least a few copies anyway. I got a few versions of the others just to be supportive, not that you need it Mr.  _ Republic Times Bestseller _ but I feel like as your boyfriend I definitely deserve a first edition copy. Signed,” Sokka has a shit-eating look on his face.

“How did you know? How long have you known?” Zuko says. He’s been agonizing over how to tell Sokka about it pretty much since they got (back?) together and Sokka’s somehow known the whole time?

Sokka just stares at him flatly. “‘Lee Sozin’, Zuko. Really? You really think I wouldn’t recognize the name you chose for the fake IDs we got in college?”

“Hey! Lee Sozin was  _ way _ more believable than ‘Wang Fire!’” Zuko scoffs.

“That fake still carried me up until I turned twenty-one,” Sokka brags. 

“I think that’s more of a testament to how much college-town bouncers  _ do not _ care instead of how good your fake was,” Zuko argues. 

“Okay,  _ regardless, _ ” Sokka waves Zuko off, “I heard about the book on Twitter and had my suspicions when I saw the author’s name. Then I read it and I knew it was yours,” Sokka says then adds, a little subdued, “I’d know your writing anywhere.”

The confession hits Zuko in a way that he feels his heart clench at Sokka’s words. He can’t really be faulted for what he says next.

“You’re it for me, you know that, right?” Zuko tells Sokka. He thinks it’s something he’s always known. He thinks that it’s maybe why he was so terrified of being so vulnerable with Sokka in the first place. 

Zuko has loved and been loved by quite a few people in his life, but no one has ever  _ known _ him or understood him the way Sokka does. It’s easy to love people. It’s harder to understand them and then love them, still, for the person they truly are.

Sokka locks his tablet, setting it aside on the bedside table. He leans over, cupping Zuko’s face gently and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“You’re it for me, too,” Sokka affirms. Zuko returns the kisses by placing more on Sokka’s lips, on the corner of his mouth, on his cheek. Sokka, of course, effectively ruins the moment. “So am I going to get this signed copy or not? Because I can resort to more  _ persuasive _ measures.”

“I honestly hate you,” Zuko mutters. “And don’t think that just because we’re dating now that I’ll give you book three spoilers.”

“You really don’t,” Sokka shoots back. “And you know I don’t like spoilers. I want to read it with fresh eyes.”

Zuko just grunts which only makes Sokka laugh at him. They settle into bed shortly after, Sokka curled up behind Zuko and Druk snuggled up against Zuko’s shin.

“Can you answer just  _ one _ little question for me?” Sokka murmurs into the nape of Zuko’s neck before they drift off to sleep. 

“Depends on the question,” Zuko says, sleepily.   
“Your two main characters. Do they get their happy ending together?”

“Yeah,” Zuko replies, and he knows neither of them are  _ really _ talking about Zuko’s book right now. “I think they do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand they do live happily ever after bc they DESERVE it after that mess they put themselves through
> 
> Thank you thank you thank you all for reading and for all your love and comments.  
> Here’s a **[post](https://khaleeseas.tumblr.com/post/635046624542048256) / [crappy edit ](https://khaleeseas.tumblr.com/post/634999749611814912?)** about the fic on tumblr  
> And here is the **[spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/36CqM8Sk1mecW3EEIAyy9b?si=UCpZO8BhQHyEGlTFbdyO3w)** \- pro tip listen to it from start to end with no shuffle and it follows the story chronologically ☺  
> AAAAHHHH can’t believe we’re done. Thanks again everyone, and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. See! I promised you all a happy ending. Hope I delivered 😊

**Author's Note:**

> you know where to [find me!](https://khaleeseas.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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